Twenties Girl 68
She’s such a bighead.
“Look, you,” I say angrily. “You’re not as powerful as you think you are, OK? Josh is pretty strong-minded, if you want to know.”
“Darling, I could make him dance on the table and sing ‘Baa Baa, Black Sheep’ if I wanted to!” she replies scornfully. “Maybe I will! Then you’ll see sense!”
There’s no point arguing with her. Deliberately, I barge right through her and head to Josh’s table, ignoring her squeals of protest. Josh is pushing his chair back and the light is catching his hair, and his eyes are as soft and blue as ever. As I reach him, something bubbles up in my stomach. Happiness, maybe. Or love. Or triumph.
Like, a mixture.
I reach up for a hug and his lips meet mine, and all I can think is Yessss! After a minute he moves to sit down, but I pull him back into another passionate kiss. I’ll show Sadie who’s in love.
At last he really does pull away, and we sit down. I lift the glass of white wine Josh has already ordered for me.
“So,” I say, a bit breathless. “Here we are.”
“Here we are.” Josh nods.
“Here’s to us! Isn’t it wonderful, being back together again? At our favorite restaurant? I’ll always associate this restaurant with you,” I add a bit pointedly. “No one else. I never could.”
Josh has the grace to look a bit uncomfortable. “How’s work?” he asks quickly.
“Fine.” I sigh. “Actually, to be honest… not that fine. Natalie’s gone off to Goa and left me all alone to run the company. It’s been a bit of a nightmare.”
“Really?” Josh says. “That’s bad.” He picks up the menu and starts reading as though the subject’s closed, and I feel a tiny pinprick of frustration. I was expecting more of a response. Although, now I remember, Josh never does respond to stuff much. He’s so easygoing. It’s what I love about him, I quickly remind myself: his lovely laid-back nature. He never stresses. He never overreacts. He never gets ratty. His approach to life is: Just get along . Which is so sane .
“We should go to Goa one day!” I change the subject, and Josh’s brow clears.
“Definitely. It’s supposed to be great. You know, I’m really into the idea of taking some time off. Like six months or so.”
“We could do it together!” I say joyfully. “We could both give up our jobs, we could travel around, start off in Mumbai-”
“Don’t start planning it all,” he says in suddenly tetchy tones. “Don’t hem me in. Jesus!”
I stare at him in shock. “Josh?”
“Sorry.” He looks taken aback by himself too. “Sorry.”
“Is something wrong?”
“No. At least…” He rubs his head roughly with both hands, then looks up, confused. “I know this is great, you and me being back together. I know I’m the one who wanted it. But sometimes I have this flash of… what the fuck are we doing?”
“You see?” Sadie’s crowing voice above the table makes me jump. She’s hovering above us like an avenging angel.
Focus. Don’t look up. Pretend she’s just a big lamp shade .
“I… I think that’s pretty normal,” I say, determinedly gazing at Josh. “We’ve both got to adjust; it’ll take time.”
“It’s not normal!” Sadie cries impatiently. “He doesn’t really want to be here! I told you, he’s a puppet! I can make him say or do anything! You want to marry Lara one day!” says Sadie loudly into Josh’s ear. “Tell her!”
Josh’s look of confusion deepens.
“Although I do think… one day… maybe you and I should… get married.”
“On a beach!”
“On a beach,” he repeats obediently.
“And have six children!”
“I’d like loads of kids too,” he says bashfully. “Four… or five… or even six. What do you think?”
I dart Sadie a look of hatred. She’s spoiling everything with her stupid party trick.
“Hold that thought, Josh,” I say as pleasantly as I can. “I just need to go to the loo.”
I have never moved so quickly as I do across that restaurant. In the ladies’, I bang the door shut and glower at Sadie.
“What are you doing?”
“Proving a point. He has no mind of his own.”
“He does!” I say furiously. “And, anyway, just because you’re prompting him to say these things, it doesn’t prove he doesn’t love me. He probably does want to get married to me, deep down! and have lots of kids!”