Death (The Devil's Roses #5) 7

"I'm going to ask for something else in a minute and I'm certain you won't want to give it to me." He leans in. The smell of him makes my mouth water.

"I wouldn’t take his humanity from him." I say it matter of fact.

He rolls his eyes. "Humanity shimanity."

"I need you to take his memories again. He saw me eating today in an alley."

His eyes widen. "Tsk tsk tsk. Although, for all the things I had rolling around in my naughty mind, that really is sort of lame. I imagined you had been unfaithful or something delicious like that." He looks at his fat leather watch. "There is still plenty of time you know. To be unfaithful."

My phone vibrates, just in the nick of time.

His phone is already in his hands. "Oh dear."

I pull out my phone and see what he's talking about. "Frig," I whisper.

"My sentiments exactly." He puts a hand out. "Shall we travel together?"

I'm gone before he has the chance to touch me again.

My heels click against the cold cement. The rainwater makes the sound echo between the narrow buildings. The cover of dark hides her from me, but really nothing can hide from me. Not her. Not anyone. Not even me.

The cold air helps me shake off the feeling of Dorian all over me. I need to kill him. I feel sick knowing I let him kiss me. I didn’t fight him the way I could have. I never do.

I force my thoughts back to the task at hand. I don’t know if it's another trap. I don’t even care anymore. I don't watch my back, ever. I don’t look around me. I've become the same as the cocky immortal I mocked only an hour before.

Death means so little to me. Some days it means freedom and others it means food and if I'm really lucky, sometimes it means revenge. Either way, I can't seem to care for the deaths that surround me. The only death I seem to care about is the one I can't have. My own.

I round a corner and the smell of it is the first thing that hits me in the face. It's sex and raw lust mixed with a little blood.

She's here. She's in the alley with me. She's feeding.

I swallow and play with the platinum ring around my finger. I twirl it with my thumb. I don’t want to kill her but I don’t know what to do about her.

I don't change the way I walk. I let my heels click against the cold cement. I let the sound of me fill the alley. She won't hear me. I know this. We feed the same. In the beginning I saw nothing but the meal. In the beginning I was obsessed with the meal. I never think on that time. I can't let myself. It destroys the last few good things inside of me to let the bad ones take over.

Wind blows past me, warm wind. My skin shivers. "Aleks," I whisper. The feeling of him in the alley is all I need. I forget about Dorian and Shane and remember where my heart is, and who it belongs to.

I know he is with the others, lining the rooftop above. I can only hope they will stay away and let me handle it.

She is mine. Mine in fault and responsibility.

My fingers spark flashes of light that reveal the things I wouldn’t normally be able to see. A ladder against an old brick wall. The glint of a silver garbage can. A pair of men's leather dress shoes, twitching on the ground.

In the flashes of light I can see her face. It's more beautiful than anything in the world. She snarls at me like a wild animal. Her fingers pull at him. He is well dressed. He will be missed by someone. A family perhaps.

She has done it again. Blood coats her beautiful lips.

"Oliver." I barely finish whispering his name and he is beside me. His warm arm brushes against mine.

"He is dying, Aimee. Just do it." His voice is broken. Like my heart. We all feel sick for what we have done to her.

He reaches a hand for her arm but she snarls and pulls away. She holds the dying man in her arms, like a child holding a doll. Her tragically beautiful face is much altered from the face I have grown to love.

Oliver takes no nonsense off of her. He reaches in and grabs her thin arm. He shakes her free of the dying man in the suit. She is gone before the man in the suit hits the ground. I bend down next to him. I wrap my fingers around his bare wrist and let go of the control I hold so tightly.

The cool air sparkles with life and light, his life and light. I gasp pulling him in. He fills the tiny void where my hunger sits. I haven’t eaten this much since Lydia found me and locked me in that room to eat. His life is separated from him and I let him fall back onto the cold wet concrete. He will be a tragedy of the city. I slip his watch from his other wrist and take his wallet from the rumpled pants that feel suddenly loose. His soul took up more space than he would have ever realized.

I turn and look up into the night's sky. Atop the buildings I see their eyes, watching me. I can't stop my eyes from looking for his. His beautiful white blue eyes. He doesn’t smile or even try to. He knows about Dorian. He knows me better than anyone. He glares and then he's is gone.

I watch as the other eyes vanish one at a time.

The last face I see is Dorian's. He stands where Aleks had been. "It's done. Now you owe me and I will collect."

I flinch. "Thanks."

"He was a mess. Wandering the city in uniform. I took him home and told him to go have some fun, he needed it. I told him to take one of the girls he used to date and have a blast." He grins. "See you later." His voice is filled with promise. I shiver and wink. I try to ignore the regret that has me more full than my meal.

Lydia's kitchen table feels small with the group that is there. Missing Sam and the kids has become a fulltime job.

Our silence is heavy and painful in the house. It almost always means someone has died or lost control of what they are.

"Where is she?" Lorri storms into the room. Her blood red boots slap the floor.

Lydia shakes her head. "You have no right to do that here, Lorri. You may not take her from my home."

Lorri scowls. "Don’t tell me what I can and cannot do. This mess has to be cleaned up." Her harsh eyes land on mine. "You know the rules."

I nod. I have no defense beyond my love of her.

I have no defense beyond my blame in it all.

Lorri's manicured finger is in my face suddenly. "You fix this. You have two weeks. Tristan and Ophelia and Giselle are all running out of time."

She is gone.

Lydia's eyes are on me. I can feel them.

I glance back. "I'll go talk to her."

Lydia shakes her head. "No. Leave her be. She needs to calm down. Annabelle will take care of…"

I wink out before she finishes the sentence. I choose home instead of him.

I wander town, looking in the windows of the houses. The lights inside show everything. The love and warmth they all have. The normalcy that exists in a place like this cuts me like a tiny knife. All I see is a place something like me won't ever be part of. I get lost in the clicking of my boots and when I look up I am in front of my house.

I instantly feel like I did the first week I was changing. I could feel the changes but had nowhere to go. Everything has changed and I still feel like I have nowhere to go.

I can see shadows moving around inside. My father and sister are there in the house.

I walk up to the front lawn just as the door opens.

I freeze.

"Love you too, Daddy." Alise steps out of the door. A group of people follows her out of the house. The last person closes the door.

"He seems better hey?" A voice cuts into me. I can't flash. I can't breathe. I am a lawn ornament.

"Aims?" His voice still hurts me.

I look at them walking down the stairs. Blake and Alise are hand in hand. Behind them walk Shane and Jessica Morgan, holding hands. She was his girlfriend before Alise and him dated. Before he and I dated. Before. She must be the girl he remembers dating that Dorian told him to go find to have fun with.

I remember watching them together. I had always wished I were her. I wished I were popular Jessica Morgan, holding hands with Shane. Watching him play football. Before, when I thought he was the love of my life. Seeing him, I have to convince myself he isn’t.

Now I am the only one who remembers we dated. I am the only one who remembers anything. Well, Blake and me. I smile awkwardly. "Hey."

They're dating again.

Jessica is dating Shane again.

I have to keep repeating it to believe it.

Maybe she's the girl in O's vision.

The girl he's happy with.

Alise points to the house. "Careful, he has a cold." She looks around. "How did you get here?"

I am frozen still. "I walked." Blake laughs.

"From college? Dude." She rolls her eyes.

"You home for the weekend?" Shane asks me, even though his eyes don’t meet mine. It's like he doesn’t want to look at me. I can't imagine what Dorian has said to him.

I nod and swallow my feelings. Pushing them down is hard. I want to join the group and go out and be normal. I've never been normal. Somehow I always miss the boat. Or got run over by the friggen thing.

Damned Dorian.

Shane nods and knits his brow, still looking at his feet. "That's awesome. Try to catch up with us all. Jeeze Aimes, feels like it's been forever." His face blushes and I want so badly to read into it. I have to tell myself it is the right choice.

Blake laughs again. I want to throw something at him.

Alise gives me her fake smile. "Having a nerd weekend with dad?"

I laugh.

I wish.

"Yeah. Something like that." I glance at Blake who crosses his arms.

"Yeah, we'll be playing some serious video games at my place, hey Aimes? Pew pew pew." His eyes glisten. He knows there will be pew pew pew but it'll be real. He loves it.

I nod again. I feel lost but Blake is still my beacon.

Shane pulls on Jessica's hand. "It was nice seeing you Aimes, but we gotta go. See ya 'round."

He drags her down the sidewalk and kisses her hand.

He used to kiss my hand. We used to do normal things, like watch TV or shop for food and kiss in the aisles. It was short lived but I remember every detail.