Affection surged in her . . . and apprehension. She had to talk with him. Her eyes fell to her scarred hands and she let Sebastian answer Michalas’s question with his own conjecture.
“It’s not certain how long she’d been undead, but she couldn’t have had the elixir for very long, of course. She must have begun taking it as soon as her brother returned from Italy—with the queen, and the serum.”
He seemed to need to speak, whereas Max did nothing but glower from the corner. Victoria could feel his impatience, his need to get away.
“I have the suspicion,” Sebastian continued, “and perhaps we’ll never know for certain, that Gwendolyn was already part of the Tutela when Victoria and I were at her house party with John Polidori. She must have been planning something for a long time—and then she had to wait until we returned from Italy.”
“But she sent her brother after you,” said Max.
Michalas nodded, his eyes light with humor. “It was all the women, wasn’t it? Lilith, Caroline, Sara, Gwen . . . all stymied by our Victoria.”
“You’re weary,” Wayren said, standing suddenly. Perhaps she sensed the undercurrents, perhaps she merely understood that Victoria was, indeed, exhausted. Heart-sick, worried, weary . . . yet hopeful. Ridiculously hopeful. “We can discuss this at another time.”
No one argued with Wayren; Max was the first one out the door. He limped, moving a bit gingerly, but still graceful. And he was gone.
Sebastian stayed when Victoria closed her fingers around his wrist.
The door shut and they were alone.
He said nothing, just looked at her.
“I . . . Sebastian,” she began, but he raised a four-fingered hand . . . whether he used that one purposely or not, she didn’t know. It would be just like him to, as he put it, play up his heroism. She smiled. She did love him.
“No, don’t. Please.” He gave her a crooked smile, one that still had the power to send a tingle to her belly . . . just not the right tingle. “My pride cannot handle it.”
“How . . . did you know?”
He settled his golden hands on her shoulders, one finger stretching up to caress the side of her neck. “It’s been there for all to see . . . for whoever cared to look. I chose not to . . . and so has he. Victoria.” His voice became urgent, his fingers tightened. “He’s not worthy of you. He hasn’t the ability to . . . feel. I don’t want you to be hurt. And yet—no.” He shook his head sharply. His sensual lips firmed so that a humorless dimple appeared. “I can’t wish you well, or wish you to be with him. I simply cannot. He’s made it clear to me that—” He stopped, squeezed her shoulders, bent to kiss her.
It was a farewell kiss—she read that much in it. Or, at least, an au revoir kiss . . . rather than an adieu. An “I’ll wait for you” kiss, rather than a good-bye.
When she pulled away, he was breathing unsteadily, and so to be honest was she. Sebastian made her feel . . . yes, he did. He turned up the spark, he curled her insides, he made her soft and liquid . . . but it wasn’t enough.
And as he looked down at her, she saw the understanding in his face. And she knew that in this, as always, he’d be the gentleman.
Victoria knew where to find Max.
She knocked, but didn’t wait for his answer before she opened the door to the small bedchamber. The same room in which she’d awakened only this morning.
“What do you want?” His voice was sharp. Annoyed.
She’d surprised him. He was sitting in a chair, reading a book.
Reading a bloody book, the bastard.
The skin on his face and neck, and what little she could see under the loose shirt he wore, was scraped and raw. The bite marks from Lilith were no longer oozing, but the marks were there, angry purple-red ones, despite the salted holy water Wayren had poured on them. At least they would heal.
When he looked at her, his eyes were flat, devoid of emotion, even anger.
“Are you all right?”
That was the wrong thing to say; she realized it as soon as the words came out. His eyes went darker and his face became even stonier.
“You shouldn’t have gone there, Victoria. You should have bloody well stayed away and let things happen.” He stood, anger rolling off him in waves. “You were nearly killed, you stupid, addled woman!”
She swallowed and her throat squeaked. “I told you I would come. I wasn’t about to leave you with her.”
“I would have taken care of myself,” he thundered, slamming a hand down onto the table. A glass and carafe rattled against each other. “When will you learn to do what’s right for everyone—not just what you want to do? Blasted stubborn, infantile woman. You take risks for no bloody reason.”
“You should speak,” she said, just as angry now. “You—”
“You’re Illa Gardella,” he shouted. “I’m no one!”
She’d never seen him angry like this . . . it was different from the cold, deep fury when she’d drugged him and locked him up. That was silent and deadly anger. This was . . . uncontrollable. Almost uncontrollable. And laced with desperation.
That was it . . . desperation. And . . . fear?
And that gave her the impetus to push further.
“Must you remind me constantly?” she said. “If you had it your way, I’d be locked up in some blasted tower while the rest of the Venators fight and risk their lives.”
“I’m no longer a Venator, Victoria.” Bitterness. Oh, such bitterness.
“You are in every way that matters,” she said. If she thought that sentiment would ease him, she was deluded.
“I don’t want your damned pity, Victoria. Just go away. Leave me be.”
“I don’t want to leave you alone, Max.”
His eyes blazed. “I can’t give you what you want. Vioget can. He can protect you, take care of you—”
“Protect me?” Now she was shrieking. She took a deep breath, pulled back on the anger. Calmed her voice. “I don’t need anyone to protect me.”
“Victoria,” he said, moving toward her. He grabbed her, then shoved her away as if remembering what had happened the last time he’d gripped her in anger. His fingers closed into fists. “You nearly died . . . or worse. Didn’t you see it? Didn’t you see what she was doing to you?”
“Yes—”
“She was pushing you . . . she nearly pushed you the wrong way. And, Christ, look at you! And those bloody dogs, tearing you to pieces.” His voice was rough, unsteady. “She’ll do it again. She’ll be after you—”
“Yes, and I had to watch her put her hands on you, drink from you, Max. I saw it, saw the look in your eyes.”
“And she’ll be after me again . . . and again. And she’ll use you, Victoria. She’ll use you to get to me.”
“I don’t care. Max, after what happened . . . what happened between us—”
He reared away from her at that, literally took two steps back. “Don’t be a bloody fool. I told you we needn’t mention it to anyone and we won’t. Vioget need not know.”
“He already does.”
“Then I’m sorry for him, but it won’t matter. The man is so damned infatuated with you, you could put him last in the line of your lovers and he’d not care.”
“And you don’t?”
“No.”
She took a step toward him. “You’re lying.”
“Victoria, you’ll do nothing but cause your own bloody embarrassment if you keep on this route.”
“You were going to give me your ring, your only chance of escape from Lilith . . . so that I’d die before I turned. I saw you, Max.”
He sneered. “I’d have done it for anyone.”
“I saw the look in your eyes when I saved Sara. You can’t deny it.”
He hesitated, then shutters came over his face, cutting off all expression. He breathed deeply and there was a charged silence.
“Max—”
“What do you want from me, Victoria? A declaration of undying adoration?”
His face was suddenly close to hers, his eyes flashing with anger and frustration. His fingers dug into her shoulders, and then he shoved her away, turning his face for a moment. Then, hands on his hips, a great space between them, he looked at her.
“All right,” he said, glaring. “I’ll say it.” His face grew even darker, burning with impatience. “I didn’t want to love you, but I can’t help it. I don’t want to be without you, but I bloody well will. Victoria, I’ll not go through this again. I’ll not risk your damned neck again. It’s the way it has to be.”
Relief seeped through her, then was replaced by annoyance and raging frustration. “You’re mad! What about Kritanu and Aunt Eustacia? Did he walk away? Did she?”
“I wish I could lock you up, and know you’d always be safe . . . and I know that can’t bloody well happen. But I won’t be part of it, I won’t make it any worse than it has to be. I can’t do it.” His voice was rough.
“I never took you for a coward, Max.”
“Coward?” His laugh was sharp and humorless. And a little crazy. “When it comes to risking your life, yes, yes, dammit, yes, I am. I’m a bloody damned coward.”
He spun away, slamming the door behind him. The glasses on the table rattled.
Victoria looked at the door and a slow smile pulled at her mouth. Now that she knew the truth, she was determined.
That would be the last damned time Max walked away from her.
