“We need to talk about what happened the other night.” She stepped around to face him and looked directly into his eyes. “Things cannot remain as they are between us.”
He didn’t answer. He continued giving her the silent treatment. His emotions boiled behind the door to his mental vault.
Aaron felt like a dumb animal who still loves its master regardless of whatever abuse it must endure. No matter how angry he was, he still loved Michelle. This made him even angrier. He felt like tearing something apart with his bare hands in frustration. The sad truth: he ached to be near her. But what good would it do to behave like an affectionate sop when dealing with a mercenary who uses sex as punishment? And so he bottled it up. Anger, resentment, love, lust, desire, it was becoming quite a toxic blend.
Part of his problem was the extreme sexual frustration of being so close to her without intimacy. He’d slept on the floor of her bedroom for two days in a row. If it were possible he would have slept on the couch, but her bedroom was the only room sealed against the daylight. Lying near her, knowing she was there but so distant, had become an especially agonizing form of torture. He wanted to hurt her, love her, fuck her every which way and leave her, all at the same time.
Instead he did nothing and said nothing. He didn’t have a clue how to talk to her without blowing up in her face.
“I fear I have made a mess, and I must explain.” She paused considering her words carefully. “My only experience with the male vampire was very disturbing. He was my master, extremely violent, with no control over his passions. The night he turned me, he did horrible things to me. When my body was completely broken and I bled almost to death, only then did he feed me his blood. I soon learned this was normal for him. He abused the frail women all the time. He said this is the vampire’s way because our passions consume all reason. He claimed is worse with the males. They are always mixing sex, blood, and violence. It was a very long time before I realized he was simply justifying his monstrous behavior.”
Aaron felt disgusted and compassionate with her confession. He wanted to reach out to her, but did not. The hurt and resentment hung between them like a wall.
He broke his silence. “You believed I would behave this way with Rosalie? Yes, I suppose you did, considering what happened with Lisa.” He still felt ashamed about what he’d done to the dancer. His guilt weighed upon him. And then there was Rosalie, who he’d also hurt inadvertently. He began to see the danger he posed to women, how Michelle might view his indiscretions. He knew with certainty he could have killed Lisa or Rosalie, and he might have even enjoyed it.
“Lisa was nothing compared to what I have seen, what I experienced through my master.” She reached out to him, caressing his face and hair, trying to impart some affection. “I assumed you did something terrible to Rosalie. I never imagined you could have the caution and compassion you showed her. I felt your thoughts and experiences with her. You tried very hard for control.” She stepped closer to him, looking him in the eyes while she continued touching him. He finally stood up and faced her.
“What you did was beautiful. In a way she loves you for this gift you give her. I must apologize to you.”
She hadn’t come to shove it in his face like he’d expected. She was asking forgiveness. The dam of emotion started to break, resentment, anger, and hopelessness leaking out. “What difference does it make? You can force me to do whatever you want, whenever you feel like it. Why does it matter what I think?”
“It matters to me.” She opened her own mental privacy block to let him feel the truth of her words. Her sincerity seemed at odds with her behavior of the last two days, he struggled to believe it.
His rancor overflowed, pouring all over her. He laughed bitterly. “I shouldn’t really complain, the sex was awesome. A bit painful, but still phenomenal.”
He stuck her with his nasty, sarcastic barb, but she let it slide, reaching past the negativity, trying to find the other side of his emotions. Michelle stepped up to full body contact nuzzling his neck. She was cheating again, using the power of his attraction for her to wash away all the spite and resentment.
She whispered in his ear brushing her lips across his skin. “Yes, it was wonderful. Yet I hurt you. I fear I have done something you will never forgive. I was wrong. My only excuse is that I was very angry. I assumed you abused Rosalie. I wanted to punish you, to abuse you. And I did.”
Her body language unraveled three days of loneliness and frustration. The physical power she held over him with her touch was so complete she didn’t even need to speak, but she continued with her apology anyway.
“I understand how you feel, but I must beg your forgiveness. I promised I would not abuse you, and I broke my promise.” Michelle began kissing his neck and stroking his back and shoulders and chest.
She cheated hardcore. Impossible to remain angry when she poured on the affection. All his resentment and pain drained away at the touch of her warm wet lips and fingertips. Second by second, he lost each and every reason he held for being angry. All that remained was love and forgiveness. He could never deny her forgiveness. He couldn’t think of much else when she did this to him. He had no defense for her secret weapon. Her seduction was irresistible.
“You promise you’re not gonna do that again? You promise you won’t judge me based on assumption? You promise not to abuse your power?” He tried to hold her at arm’s length to give her a serious look.
She snaked back into his arms, whispering in his ear, flicking her tongue. “I promise. I am forgiven? You still love me?” She wrapped her arms and legs around him, thighs wide open in invitation. It felt heavenly. He could never deny her anything when she did this to him. “Now we can have make-up sex. Oui? I will let you be on top this time.”
He couldn’t help but grin like an idiot. “Yes, Michelle, I still love you. I’ve always loved you. But you knew that already.” As they reunited together with the pent-up passions of three nights of abstinence, it didn’t escape his notice that Michelle never once mentioned how she felt about him.
In bed together, after several rounds of lovingly affectionate sex and mutual biting, Aaron sensed Michelle still had something more to confess.
“Come out with it. There’s something else on your mind.” He propped himself on his elbows, looking her square in the eyes.
“Oui. There is another reason I feared sending you out into the night without my guidance.” She paused and caressed his back and thighs, collecting her thoughts. “There is a problème I encountered when I was awakened to this life and my control was not very good.”
She hesitated. He sensed she was unsure whether or not to continue. She had never spoken of this before, and it had happened so very long ago. He cupped her breast, teasing her nipple with his thumb as he kissed her on the nose. “Please go on. I’d like to hear more.”
She nodded and kissed him on the lips while caressing his chest. A very effective distraction. “You know this word feral? You know what it means?”
“I think so. It has something to do with a wild animal?”
“Oui, is like that. This can happen to us. We are truly predators with instincts to hunt and kill. Vicious killers. When we lose our reason, when we are consumed in strong emotion, is possible to become feral. Is like a mindless wild animal hunting on instinct, attacking anyone who comes near.” Michelle paused.
He waited for her to continue. Suddenly her confession seemed very important. He had never considered the ramifications of what she described. But it was all too easy to imagine how it might happen. He had felt a certain wildness lurking there inside him recently. It scared him to think such a thing was possible, or that this might have happened to the wonderful creature cuddling with him.
“In France at the end of the war, WWII, something very traumatic happened to me, and I was lost for a time. I roamed the countryside like a wild animal, hunting at night and hiding in basements or holes in the ground by daylight. I don’t recall this time very clearly. Is like remembering a dream. I know this can happen to you … if it happened to me.” She drew circles on his chest with her fingertips, avoiding direct eye contact. He sensed her embarrassment, she had never admitted this to anyone before.
She must be over eighty years old!
He couldn’t fathom this beautiful woman caressing his body roaming across France in the middle of the war. Michelle had never told him anything about her life before they met. He was fascinated to learn more. “Please go on.”
“There was a man who found me. Luckily, I did not kill him. I think I was wounded and unconscious, or else I would have attacked him. I spent several weeks with him. In this time I regained my sanity and returned to civilization, after he died. His story is very sad. He died because of me.” She paused in solemnity, a powerful sense of regret and loss still there after all those years. She continued, “Someday I will tell you more, but not now.”
She looked him in the eyes with her chin on his chest, fingertips stroking his shoulders, and finally got around to the point. “When you came home after your date and I smelled the blood and sex all over you, it brought the memories of this wild life. I became very angry. Because of my assumptions, I wanted to hurt you, as I said before. Also, I was angry with myself. I let you go out without guidance, without an anchor to keep control of the predator. I felt it was my fault you hurt Rosalie.”
She paused for a second, considering, then continued. “I was wrong. You did not hurt her. Not really. You have very good control. You cared about this woman.” Michelle looked like she was about to cry.
Her vulnerability was arousing. That and her constant stroking up and down his body while she spoke. He rolled her over, pinning her beneath him, and teased her wet entry with his erection, holding her gaze. “You are so damn sexy when you take the blame for me. I’m gonna show you some of that wild animal you’re so worried about.”
Michelle’s eyes popped open wide. She gasped as he buried himself all the way to her core and bit down hard on her neck.
