He had been lonely when they took his mother from him, but it was as nothing compared to the desolation he felt now. He ached with loneliness, with desire. For two months, he had known the love of a woman, had known what it meant to experience a man's desire, a man's fulfillment.
And now she was gone, and he would never see her again. Nor would he see the child he had fathered.Navarre stared at the ceiling, unseeing. Once the child was born, his own life would be over, unless his offspring was a female. What would happen then, he didn't know. Nor did it matter, because he knew, deep inside the dark well of his soul, that he had sired a male.
Katlaina. She was in one of the rooms upstairs. So near... Katlaina, Katlaina.
He mourned her loss as though she had died. He refused to eat, couldn't sleep, only lay in his narrow cot, one arm over his eyes, thinking of her, remembering the nights they had shared. The love they had shared.
Katlaina.
Days that had seemed long before seemed endless now.
Three months passed, and he saw no one but the guard who emptied the chamber pot and brought him food twice each day. It was the same man who had brought Katlaina to see him.
Navarrestood away from the door, as ordered, while the guard slid his food tray under the bars.
The man looked at him a moment, then turned away.
"Wait!"Navarre crossed the floor, his hands curling around the bars. "Wait, please."
Slowly, the guard turned around. "What do you want?"
"Katlaina? How is she?"
"To talk to you is forbidden," the guard said, not quite meetingNavarre 's eyes.
"Please."
"She's in good health."
"I'll never see her again, will I?"
"No."
"And the... the child. Will I be allowed to see it before... ?"
"No."
Navarrepressed his forehead against the bars and closed his eyes. He'd never see her again, never see the child he had fathered. The pain that rose within him was excruciating.
Slowly, he raised his head and looked at the guard. "Please." He dropped to his knees, his hands clasped. "Please."
The guard took a step forward, his pale gray eyes filled with an odd mixture of pity, curiosity, and fear. "Been imprisoned since birth, haven't you?"
Navarrenodded.
"And now you're to be..." The man swallowed hard, unable to say the word.
"Sacrificed."
The guard nodded. In spite of himself, he felt a wave of compassion for the young man. Some said it was an honor to be the chosen one, to give one's life in behalf of the people. But he had never seen it so. "Afraid, are you?"
Navarremade a sound of disgust deep in his throat. "I'm angry! Angry that I am to be sacrificed to appease a goddess I don't believe in, that I am to be killed for people I have never seen."
"I'm sorry," the guard murmured. "Sorry for you. Sorry for me. Like you, I was given no choice regarding my life. I was told that I would be a guard in the palace of the High Priest. Told who I would marry and where I would live. And while I am not to be sacrificed, I have spent my whole adult life inside these prison walls."
"But you can go out when you choose,"Navarre said, rising to his feet. "You have a house of your own. A woman of your own." He drew a deep breath and let it out in a long, slow sigh. "You have been kind to me. I would know your name."
"Markos."
"What will happen to me, to Katlaina, if the child she bears is a female?"
The guard looked surprised by the question.
"I know not. Such a thing has never happened."
"Please let me see her again."
"I cannot. I'm sorry."
"Please, Markos."
The guard took a step forward. "You must promise me something if I let you see her."
Navarrefrowned at the odd request, wondering what he could possibly do for the man. "I will."
"Before you die, the priests will give you a list of requests."
"Requests?"
"You are being sacrificed so you can carry the messages of the priests to the goddess. They will have you ask her for a good rainfall so that the crops will grow. They will tell you to ask that our men might be strong, that our women might be fertile, that our enemies will fall before us."
"And if I refuse?"
"You will not. Trust me,Navarre , they have ways to extract your promise. Ways you do not wish to learn."
"What do you want of me?"
"When you see the goddess, I want you to ask her to bless me with a son."
"I will."
Markos smiled. "Tonight," he said. "When the moon is waning, I will come for you."
Never had the hours of the day passed more slowly. Finally, after what seemed like days, Markos appeared.
"Promise me that you will not try to escape," Markos said.
"I promise."
"Turn around," Markos ordered, and whenNavarre obeyed, Markos lashed his wrists together, then unlocked the cell door.
"There's no need to bind my hands,"Navarre said. "I gave you my word."
"But it's my head that will be on the block should you decide a try at freedom is worth more than your word," Markos replied candidly. "Quietly now."
Moments later,Navarre was ushered into a large, sumptuously appointed chamber.
With a long chain, Markos shackledNavarre 's left ankle to an iron ring set in the middle of the floor, then released his hands.
"Remember your promise," Markos called over his shoulder as he went out the door. "I will return for you in an hour."
Left alone,Navarre glanced around the room. He had never seen a king's palace, but surely only royalty lived in such splendor. Heavy drapes of pale yellow brocade hung at the windows. Heavy furniture made of dark wood was grouped before a large stone hearth. Colorful rugs covered the floor. A tray of meat and cheese and a jug of wine sat on a tray on a small table.
A soft rustling sound drew his attention and he glanced over his shoulder to see Katlaina enter the room.
"Navarre!" Tears of joy welled in her eyes as she flew across the room.
"Katlaina." He breathed her name as he gathered her into his arms. "Katlaina, Katlaina." Only her name, over and over again. His hands roamed over her body, marveling at the fullness of her breasts, the swell of her belly. It was true, he thought. His seed was growing within her. A part of him would be left behind.
"You are here," she murmured. "I prayed and prayed that I would see you again."
"How are you?" he asked. He spread his hands over her belly, then cupped her breasts, weighing their heaviness in his hands as he imagined his babe suckling there.
"I am well," she said. "But you... my poorNavarre , trapped in that awful cage, alone."
She took his hand and led him to the settee. When he sat down, she curled into his lap, her head resting on his shoulder. "You're here," she whispered. "Really here."
"What will happen to you after the child is born?"
"I have been told I will be sent back to my family with a large dowry."
Sent home, he thought. With a large dowry to appease her future husband for the lack of a maidenhead.
Impotent anger welled within him at the thought of her marrying another man, bearing another man's child.
"Kiss me,Navarre ," she urged. "The minutes are passing so quickly..."
"Katlaina..." With a low groan, he covered her mouth with his, drinking in her sweetness, losing himself in the touch of her hands.
Honeyed fire spread through him as their bodies pressed together, the need between them heightened by the months they had been apart.
He marveled at how beautiful she was, her body swollen with his child, her eyes shining with love. He nuzzled the cleft between her breasts, wishing they were already filled with milk so that he could taste her.
He reached for her, and she was there, opening to him, her body welcoming his invasion, closing around him, making him forget that he had only months left to live, that he might never see her again. For now, there was only this moment, this woman, warm and willing in his arms, her voice low and husky as she whispered that she loved him.
Too soon, Markos came to take him away.
His cage seemed smaller, more confining, after the opulence of Katlaina's chamber. His bed was small and empty, his days bleak, the hours of darkness an endless torment as he thought of her, dreamed of her, yearned for her.
Night after night, he begged Markos to take him to see Katlaina one more time. And night after night, the guard refused.
Five months had passed since the last time he had seen her. Five long months, and with each passing day, the sense of time closing in on him grew stronger. Katlaina. She was ever in his heart, in his mind, in his thoughts. Every time he closed his eyes, her image appeared before him, her belly expanding as his child was nurtured within her womb. He had to see her, just one more time.
"Please, Markos."Navarre pleaded with the guard as he had every night for the last five months. "Please take me to her again."
"You don't know what you're asking." Markos let out a sigh of exasperation. After five months, his patience was wearing thin. Every night it was the same,Navarre begging to see the woman again. And yet, in spite of his resolve not to weaken again, Markos couldn't help but pity the man. Poor wretch. What a miserable life the Fates had decreed for him. Born and raised in a cage, bred as if he were a prize bull, and what was to be his reward? Death at the hands of a bloodthirsty goddess.
For the first time in months,Navarre felt a flicker of hope as he studied Markos's expression. Was the man weakening?
"Please, Markos," he whispered.
"I've told you and told you, the danger of being caught is too great to risk again."
"Please! I'll beg the goddess to give you a dozen sons, wealth beyond your imagination, only take me to her again."Navarre 's hands closed around the bars until his knuckles were white with the strain. "Please, Markos, I have only two months left..."
"You promise? A dozen sons. Wealth enough to leave this place and make a new life in another town?"
"I promise. That and more, whatever you want."
Markos ruminated for a moment. The risk was great, but so, too, was the reward, if he but had the courage.
"I'll do it," he agreed at last. "Tomorrow night. But this must be the last time."
The last time. The words repeated themselves inNavarre 's mind as he held Katlaina in his arms.
The last time he would see her, hold her, touch her.
"Katlaina..."
She snuggled deeper into his embrace, her beautiful green eyes wet with tears. "Navarre, I will never forget you. Never." She drew her fingertip over his lips. "What would you do if you were free? If we could walk out of here tomorrow morning and never look back?"
"Do?"Navarre shook his head. "I don't know. I've never done anything." He shook his head again. "I have knowledge," he mused. "Inside my mind, I have the knowledge of a thousand scrolls, and yet I've never done anything. Seen anything. Been anywhere."
His arm tightened around her. "You tell me," he said. "Tell me what we would do."
"We would go north, to my homeland," Katlaina said. "You would like it there. It is so beautiful, especially in the spring when everything is all green and gold. There is a waterfall high in the mountains. And a lake. And trees, and flowers. And deer and horses and foxes. And birds and fish and ducks and geese. I would show you all of it,Navarre , and I would love you all the days of your life. I would give you children, as many as you wanted. And we would be happy, so happy."
He closed his eyes, listening to her words, and felt an ache grow in his chest, a longing for a place he'd never seen. Mountains, he thought. A waterfall, and a lake. And animals that he had seen only in pictures. And Katlaina, there beside him, his child cradled in her arms.
The ache in his chest grew until he could hardly breathe, until love and hate and rage and bitterness rose up within him, choking him.
Cursing himself for his cowardice, he wrapped his arms around her, holding on to her as if she could somehow save him from the terrible fate that awaited him. He breathed in her scent one last time even as he imprinted her image deep in his heart, that he might carry it with him to the grave.
"Hold me!" he said, his voice husky with the fear that was growing inside him, spreading like some monstrous canker. "Katlaina!"
"I am here," she crooned. "I am here, myNavarre ."
With a cry that was half sob, half scream, he ripped the clothes from her body, shrugged out of his breeches, and buried himself within her. There was no gentleness in him now, only an overpowering need to possess her, to fill her with his essence, to hear her cry his name as his body convulsed.
Katlaina. She was the giver of life, the bearer of life, and he buried himself deep within her, hoping that she could somehow cleanse him of his fear of what was to come.
Too soon, Markos came for him. "It's time." The guard's tone was curt as he unlocked the shackle aroundNavarre 's left ankle.
Navarrenodded, and then he drew Katlaina into his arms one last time.
"I love you," she whispered.
"Remember me," he said. "When I'm gone, remember me. No one else will."
Katlaina nodded. "I will, myNavarre . You know I will."
He kissed her gently, tenderly. And then he placed his hands over her belly, a look of amazement flickering in his eyes as he felt the child, their child, move within her womb, and in that moment, he truly realized all that would be lost to him.
He lifted his gaze to Katlaina's face, and she smiled at him through her tears.
"Navarre!" Markos's voice was sharp with rebuke. "We must go!"
"Fare thee well, Katlaina,"Navarre murmured. "I pray you will tell my son of his father."
"Every day."
So much to say to her, he thought, but he couldn't form the words, could not force them past the lump in his throat. He kissed her one last time, and then left her chamber.
There was an unmistakable sound of finality as Markos closed and locked the door of his cage.
