And then Seth left me.
What was I supposed to think now?
Was there any hope for a relationship with him of any kind?
No. The oppressing realization hit me hard and fast. There wasn’t any hope. He was gone.
His words this morning whispered through my mind again and I couldn’t help but feel confused. Don’t give up on me. We can do this for the rest of our lives. We will get to do this forever.
It didn’t make sense. Why tell me those things? Make those promises to me…. and then leave me?
“But he obviously had feelings for you,” Piper insisted. “Is he going to call?”
I let out a bitter laugh before I could stop myself. “God, I hope not.”
Her head shot up and she gave me a concerned glance. “You don’t mean that.”
“Trust me; it wouldn’t be good for either of us if he called me now.”
“Who was the family he went to live with?” Tristan asked as the pieces started to come together for him.
“His sister and uncle,” I said meaningfully.
Tristan let out a foul curse under his breath and Piper’s eyebrows snapped together. “What am I missing here?”
“Nothing,” I mumbled.
“Don’t do that.” Piper slid off the tree trunk and whirled around to face me. She was all righteous indignation and bubbling fury. “Don’t go into secret Tristan and Stella world. Stop hiding things from me! I want to know!”
My expression sobered and I swallowed back the entire truth. I had wanted to tell Piper for as long as I could remember. But I always held back. Tristan knew, because there wasn’t a choice in my life in which he did not know exactly who I was. But it was easier to lie to Piper, even if I hated it. It was easier to gloss over this part of my life because she filled in every other space. She was my carefree humanity, my reckless immaturity. She was simply my friend, not a mile stone in my life or a choice to be made.
But she did deserve the truth. Or at least part of it. “His family is bad news, Pi.”
“What do you mean? Like they’re… what, like criminals?”
“Yes, and worse.”
“What’s worse than a criminal?” Her eyebrows were hidden behind her thick bangs, but I knew they were raised. Her eyes were huge, and her face flushed with the frustration to understand.
“Them,” I answered cryptically. “They’re just…. they’re the worst kind of people. That’s why he’s always lived with Jupiter. His other family doesn’t have his best interest in mind. In fact, before they’ve always tried to hurt him.”
“Like physically abuse him?” She was stunned and I didn’t blame her. Even out of context and watered down this sounded bad.
“Yes, and emotionally and mentally.”
“Does he think this time will be different or something?” I knew she was grasping at anything to make this situation better, but it was a futile effort on her part. There was no way to make this better, there was no way to bring Seth back.
“Maybe.” I looked down at the ground, unable to meet her eyes. “But it won’t be.”
She fell silent then, and I was glad. I didn’t want to answer any more of her questions. I didn’t want to dissect Seth’s decision any longer.
“I know you’re worried about him, Stella,” Tristan’s voice cut through the tense silence. I looked up and met his gaze. “But, you’ll be alright. And that’s what’s most important- that he didn’t hurt you before he left. If he was this…. unstable, it’s a good thing he left when he did.”
I knew what Tristan saw and how he wanted to view Seth in this new light, but I knew better. Seth wasn’t a ticking time bomb. He hadn’t been in danger of following the darker side of his soul, not once until this morning.
He was goodness and Light and all things admirable.
This move was calculated- I knew that. But why? What could he accomplish by entering enemy camp? And why was it more important than staying with me.
On top of feeling heartbroken and betrayed, I also felt vulnerable and exposed. Not three days ago, he saved me from getting my head chopped off.
I would have died without him.
I still might die without him.
If he didn’t want me to give up on him, then exactly what did he expect me to do?
“Stella, I have to go,” Piper said. She looked down at her watch and then back up at me. “I have to be home for dinner.” She walked over and pulled me into a tight hug. “I’m glad you’re feeling better. Well, not better… but not sick anymore.”
“Thanks, Pi,” I said sincerely.
“Call me later.” She released me and started walking back to the house. “Oh, and I left your books and homework on the porch.”
I groaned. “Ok, thanks.”
She walked off and Tristan and I were left alone. We hadn’t been alone since he got in that fight with Seth last week. And we’d barely talked, not even on the phone. Things had been… tense between us. But I didn’t know how they would be now with Seth out of the picture.
After Piper disappeared I looked over at him and caught his gaze immediately. He was staring at me with concern etched all over his beautiful face. He ran a hand over his closely shaved head and then let out a long breath.
And then he was there- in between my legs with his arms wrapped around my waist.
I fell into him, clutching him like the lifeline that he was. I was beyond tears by now, but his closeness did so much to soothe my aching, gutted soul. He was what I needed right now. He would be the strength that got me through this.
“I’ve missed you,” he whispered against my hair. “I’ve hated keeping my distance.”
“Is that what you were doing?” I half laughed, half sighed into his chest.
“Trying to,” he admitted. “I’ve never pressured anyone to go out with me before, Stella. And I really haven’t hated someone as much as I hate Seth. You might find this hard to believe, but for the most part, people like me.” He was teasing in that dry way of his and I smiled because it was true. Most people did like him.
“I believe you,” I laughed lightly.
He sobered some and said, “And while I believe you’re worth the fight, I have to be honest, that wasn’t me. I can admit that Seth didn’t deserve that. And you especially deserved to be treated better. Then I felt like such a jackass. And I didn’t how to apologize to him or you. So I just stayed away. I thought I’d give him a fair shot. I thought… you know, let the best man win and all.”
My lungs stopped working in my chest, and confusion settled thick and cloying over me once again. I lifted my head and met that green gaze, wondering how to process his confession.
“Tristan, I can’t-“
“No, I know, Stella,” he cut me off with the pads of his fingertips on my lips. “And I’m not asking you to. I just wanted you to know where I was. I don’t expect anything today or tomorrow, or even, well, I’m just saying take your time. I waited all my life for you. I can wait a little bit longer. There’s no pressure. But I am here for you. Whenever you’re ready. Whenever….. whenever or whatever you want.”
His last words were said on a throaty whisper that made my stomach flip-flop.
“Thank you,” I smiled up at him.
“I’m just glad we both realize what a prick he is.” He grinned boyishly down at me and I knew he was just trying to lighten the mood, but his words felt right.
My grief had turned to anger and I was ready to punish him- him as in Seth.
“You weren’t really sick though, were you?” Tristan asked carefully, almost like he was already angry.
“I was not sick,” I confirmed. I was silent for a moment more, enjoying his arms around me, his body heat, his smell as it mingled with the stormy air and damp wood around us. “I was attacked.”
“At school?” His eyes narrowed and his throat jumped while it worked to swallow. Oh, yes, he was angry- more than angry.
“It started at school, but it ended somewhere in New Mexico, I guess. I don’t really remember much of the end. Well, except for the almost dying part. But I didn’t. I’m fine. See? I’m fine.” I waved my arms around when I felt all of his muscled frame go tight with furious tension.
“I see that you’re fine now,” he clarified. “But for you to miss school… it must have been pretty bad, yeah, Stel?”
“It was pretty bad.”
“Seth saved you?”
“Seth saved me.”
“And now that he’s gone? What are you going to do now?”
His questions surprised me. I knew Tristan understood this part of my life better than I could ever hope, but I didn’t expect him to give Seth so much credit.
“I get better,” I declared and in that moment I knew it was true. I had to get better, I had to be better. I couldn’t let something like this happen to me again and I absolutely couldn’t be caught off guard like that ever again. I would need weapons with me all the time. And I would have to start taking training seriously.
If Jupiter would still even want to train me. There was a definite possibility with the loss of his protégé he would pack in his whole mission and find a different planet to inhabit.
“I believe in you, Stel,” Tristan said seriously. It could have sounded cheesy, but it didn’t. It didn’t because I needed to hear those words. Up until this moment I didn’t have to believe in myself, mostly because I had Seth to believe in. But now it was up to me and only me.
I needed all the support I could get.
“Thank you,” I leaned forward and hugged him again.
“We should get back before it rains,” Tristan sighed. He helped me down from the log I was perched on, taking my hand and leading me back through the forest.
And I knew he was right. It was time to go back and get on with life.
Seth had only been a part of my life for a few months, but it seemed almost impossible to go on without him. It felt…. wrong. But somehow I’d have to manage. Somehow I would have to force myself to move forward.
I wondered if I would ever see him again- if we’d ever come face to face gain. He was Darkness now and I was Light. So I would have to. I would face Aliah. I would face Seven. And I supposed that meant I would face Seth. Only the next time I saw him, instead of fighting alongside him, I would be fighting against him.
Which sucked.
Because on top of everything else, Seth was good at what he did- killing.
I just had to hope I wasn’t his next victim.
Chapter Nine
I was so behind with homework. And coach was pissed at me for just disappearing last Thursday- beyond pissed. She was subbing today for Mr. Wilks and had trapped me at the beginning of Physics to give me a ten minute lecture on never walking out on practice again. I tried to explain how deathly ill I was, but she wasn’t having it.
And then she’d marked me tardy, even though she was the one talking to me- in her classroom!
Today was not starting off well.
