Cullen grinned. “Does this make me less of a man then? To ask my submissive for help?”
Hell. Gunny would have said yes—that a Dom should manage his own problems. Jake rolled his beer bottle between his palms. He wasn’t sure he agreed; Cullen was one of the strongest Doms he knew.
Cullen’s mouth tipped up when Jake didn’t answer. “Who told you a Dom couldn’t show weakness?”
“Professor in grad school. A Marine Gunnery Sergeant who served in about every war zone since Moses and had so many medals he could’ve used them for weight lifting.” Jake frowned, remembering his first sight of the battle-hardened vet. Jake had been maybe twenty-one? Young enough to hang on the Dom’s every word. “He introduced me to the lifestyle. Mentored me.”
Gunny’d missed the camaraderie of the Marines. Missed having younger men to supervise. Upon discovering Jake’s interest in BDSM… Jake grinned and shook his head. In hindsight, he realized Gunny’d been delighted to find someone like Jake to train.
“Got it.” Cullen drank half his beer, and then leaned an arm on the bar top. “Not a surprising stance considering the Marine mentality. However, I disagree. Much as we Dominants hate to admit it, we’re human. You can pull off that infallible, invulnerable shit if the submissive only scenes with you occasionally, but the façade will fall apart in a relationship.”
Jake stiffened. “You’re saying being strong is a pretense?”
“Sometimes. We are strong. We also get hurt and need help.” Cullen glanced at his burned arm. “Last I looked, even Doms lose loved ones or jobs or pets. We need to mourn. We get depressed.” He smiled. “Some of the best sex of my life was the night Andrea bratted me out of a black hole. I needed her, and she knew it.”
Jake scowled. “I don’t—”
“Giving is a two-way street, buddy. Don’t deny your submissive the pleasure of being able to help you. Of knowing she’s needed.”
The pleasure of helping. His mentor had denied anyone that satisfaction, hadn’t he? “I’m fine, Sheffield. Don’t need help.” Gunny’s color had been gray, his age finally showing after his most recent heart attack. He’d been crippled up. Jake had wanted so fucking badly to assist—and been refused.
Was it strength that’d kept the old Marine from accepting any support…or a kind of weakness?
“There he is. And Jake too.” Andrea’s slightly accented voice drifted across the bar.
Jake glanced over his shoulder, relieved at the rescue. Fuck. Seemed like his life since meeting Rainie had been a mess of confusion.
“Jake, it’s good to see you.” Andrea smiled at him, then her Dom. “Sir.”
Cullen pulled her between his long legs. “Jake just reminded me you’re the best thing in my life.”
“Jake is right.” Andrea’s smile softened into pure beauty. “I love you, mi Señor.”
“I love you, too. Marry me, little tiger. We—” Cullen swore under his breath and released her. “Sorry. I’ve had too much to drink.”
“Sí. I will.” Andrea’s answer was swift and sharp. “Marry you.”
Cullen’s hands clamped onto her arms so hard she squeaked. “Sorry, love, but…you’ll marry me?”
Her eyes gleamed with tears, but her smile would rival sunlight. “Sí.”
“Fuck,” Cullen muttered. “You said yes—you really did.” His craggy face split in a huge grin as he pointed at Jake. “You’re my witness.”
“Got it covered.”
“No escape for you now, love.” Cullen pulled his captive closer.
Grinning and trying to give the two some privacy, Jake spun on the barstool—and came face-to-face with Heather. “Hey.” She’d cut her hair, he realized, and the brown strands curled around her face. “I didn’t realize you were in town.”
“It’s good to see you, Jake.” She took the hand he held out and kissed his cheek. Her scent was still lightly floral, her lips soft. “I was at a convention in Orlando and popped over to visit friends here.”
Of course, the Shadowlands submissives would be part of her gang of buddies.
“We arranged for me to drop Andrea off so she can chauffeur Cullen home in his truck.” Her smile brightened. “And probably celebrate their engagement.”
“Probably,” he agreed, hearing the sounds of someone being thoroughly kissed behind him.
When a person at the bar muttered sourly, “Get a room,” Cullen laughed. With Andrea tucked against his side, he kissed Heather’s cheek, slapped Jake’s shoulder, and was out of the restaurant in seconds.
“Well.” Heather stared after them. “I didn’t even say congratulations.”
“I don’t think they noticed.” Jake took a drink of his beer. He was happy for Cullen, no question about that, but felt pretty damned sorry for himself. How pitiful was that?
But the woman he wanted had dumped him in favor of her career. And here was Heather, who’d done the same. Fuck, he needed to reevaluate his handling of relationships.
He motioned to the bartender. “What can I get you, Heather?”
She hesitated before sliding onto the barstool Cullen had vacated. “Just a diet soda,” she told the bartender before asking Jake, “How is the clinic doing?”
“Busy.” If they could have kept Rainie, they’d have expanded. “How’s your job?”
“Wonderful.” Her smile was still sweet. “I’ve been promoted.”
“Good for you. I’m sure you earned it.” She would have. As a submissive, she’d always given a hundred percent. He couldn’t imagine she offered less to her career. “You look happy. Apparently, you made the right decision.”
Her gaze dropped, and her weight shifted on the barstool. “I did. Although, I almost changed my mind and stayed, you know.”
Jake watched her as he took a slow sip of beer. “No, I didn’t know.”
“I was torn.” Her hands opened and closed in her lap. “If you’d said you needed me…if you’d given the slightest hint that losing me would upset your life, I’d never have been able to leave.”
Jake straightened, winded as if she’d kicked him in the gut. “What fucking hint? I love”—when had the word turned past tense?—”loved you. I don’t understand.”
“I know.” Gaze on her drink, she traced a finger through the condensation on the glass. “You know, we all love our family, friends, even pets. But, a person doesn’t need a dog. They’re not essential to happiness. It’s not a give-and-take relationship.”
“I never treated you like a pet.” Jesus.
“No.” She huffed in exasperation. “But people who start a life together, they rely on each other. Lean on each other. Know each other’s weaknesses and worries so they can assist.”
“Right. Go on.”
“You supported me. But…I never did that for you. I didn’t make any difference in your life. You didn’t need me.”
“Heather—”
“I gave you nothing you couldn’t get from a couple of friends and an occasional sex buddy.”
Jake straightened. “That’s not true.”
“I know,” she whispered. “I know now. But at the time, that’s what I thought.” She laid her hand over his on the bar. “Because you never let yourself show you’re not invulnerable.”
He scowled. What the fuck was it with people wanting him to be weak? “Doms are supposed to be strong. Submissives want someone to lean on.”
“I do. I found a Dom,” she said. “And he showed me what bothered me about you and me, Jake. It’s that I never felt as if I gave you anything important. A relationship—even a D/s one—is two people growing stronger together than they would apart. Not one tree standing alone with another leaning on it.”
Her smile wavered a little. “You know, submissives need to give just as much as Doms need to protect.”
Shades of Cullen. Jake’s brows drew together. Sipping his beer, he considered. Gunny had shown him how to dominate, how to flog and whip and all the various scene techniques. But…maybe, just maybe, his mentor hadn’t demonstrated how to maintain a long-lasting D/s relationship—because Gunny hadn’t known how. He’d had three divorces under his belt. Jake had figured the women couldn’t take the stress of loving a professional soldier, but perhaps something more fundamental had been lacking.
Fuck. Jake met Heather’s gaze. “I did need you.”
“I eventually reached that conclusion.” Relief and sorrow showed in her eyes as she rose. “We’ve both moved on, but…friends?”
He kissed her lightly. “Friends.”
As she walked from the bar, Jake watched her, seeing her appeal and sweetness. In all reality, their relationship might have worked if he’d been different. But…the bond he had with Rainie contained even more potential. Was more fulfilling.
When Rainie left, her loss would gut him in a way he’d never experienced before.
