She opened the door to his knock; her eyes and nose were red, her cheeks chapped, like maybe she’d been crying all day. She took one look at him and turned, walking back into her apartment, leaving the door open with him standing there. He followed her and stood in her small living room as she whirled around, flopped on the couch, drew her feet up and cried into a tissue.
“Terri, what’s going on? Why didn’t you answer your phone?”
“I turned it off,” she said.
“Why would you leave me a message like that and then turn off your phone?”
“Because,” she said, blowing her nose. “I left a lot of messages—and you ignored them all. I just couldn’t take it anymore, waiting for the phone to ring. It was agony. What’s the point in giving me all your phone numbers if you weren’t going to take my calls?”
He sat down beside her on the couch, but he didn’t get too close. “We had lunch last week,” he said. “Everything was okay. Are you having problems with the pregnancy?”
“Yeah, I’m having problems! As in, I have no one to talk to and it gets damn lonely!”
“I was out of town,” he said. “I didn’t call in for messages.”
“And your cell phone was turned off?” she asked hotly.
“There’s no signal where I went—I didn’t even carry it with me. I left it in the truck all weekend. I was in Virgin River, in the mountains. I’m sorry—I didn’t know you’d need me. And I still don’t know why you thought you needed me.”
“I was upset! Didn’t you say you were in this with me? I needed someone who was on my side to talk to. What if something worse was wrong? How long would it take you to notice? Maybe I should just get rid of it—it would be less trouble for you.”
He reached over and touched her knee. He gave it a squeeze. “Don’t do that,” he said.
“You want me to have it?” she asked him. “Because you don’t exactly act like it.”
Paul felt an angry heat rise up his neck to his face. “If you had wanted an abortion, you would have done that already. I’d never have known. Don’t threaten it now to keep me in line.”
“God, I just felt so abandoned…” Her face melted into a pathetic, contorted mess of wrinkles. She buried her face in her tissue and let it go for a minute. Resigned, he scooted closer and pulled her against him, holding her while she cried on his chest. “So—what’s in Virgin River that keeps you from even thinking about us up here?”
“Get a grip now,” he said, not answering the question. “I’m not letting you go through this alone. I didn’t know you needed anything.”
“And what if I do?”
“I’ll do my best. But we’d better establish some boundaries. I’m not going to let you do this to me.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You know what I’m talking about. I’m in this with you—I’ll coparent and pay support. I’m grateful you’re willing to have the baby, but I’m not going to be manipulated.”
“What if I give it away?”
“If you give it away, you’ll be giving it to me.”
“To take to her?”
“Who?” he asked, startled.
“There has to be a woman. Otherwise you’d give us a chance.”
He sighed. It couldn’t really be that simple, could it? “Listen to me,” he said. He grabbed her chin and turned her face so he could look into those swollen, wet eyes. “This has to do with me and you—and the fact that even though we’re not a couple, we’re having a child together. We have to figure out how to make that work.”
“So there is,” she said.
“There is,” he admitted. “But even if there weren’t…”
“But there is,” she said.
He took a breath. “There might not be, after she hears about this. But that won’t change anything between us. Terri, I’m sorry—I’m fond of you, I care about you, I swear I’ll do my best by you, but I don’t love you. There are three people involved here—you, me, a baby. It wouldn’t be good for any of us to try to make a marriage where there isn’t real bone deep, passionate love. I wouldn’t give us a year—and that would be worse than what we have.” He ran a knuckle down her cheek. “Believe me.”
She was quiet a moment. “You said there was no one,” she whispered. “When we met, when we…You said there was no one in your life…”
“It’s real complicated,” he said.
“But you cheated on her. When she finds out you cheated, she’s going to—”
“Terri, I didn’t cheat on her, all right? I told you the truth. I wasn’t with anyone.”
“I don’t understand. Did you just meet her? After we—?”
“Okay, listen to me. We weren’t together. I knew I had real strong feelings for her, but we weren’t together when I met you and I had no reason to hope we ever would be. She had no idea how I felt. I told you the truth—I wasn’t with a woman and I didn’t want a serious relationship. You said the same thing—you were unattached and liked it that way.”
She was quiet for a long moment. “And now?”
He glanced away. “Things changed. Lots of things changed.”
“Oh God,” she said, falling into a fresh round of tears. “Oh God, your friend’s wife! The one who just died!”
Oh, he thought, this is going to be so much worse than I ever imagined. I swear to God, I’m never having sex again. “Don’t come unglued on me like this,” he said softly. “Listen, there will be times I can’t be there for you—times we’re not in touch. There has to be someone you can talk to when you’re upset and you can’t find me. What about your mother? Is she someone you can talk to about this?”
“Not really,” she said with a sniff. “She thinks I’m crazy to go through with this. She doesn’t believe for one second you’ll be a part of it.”
He took a breath. “I’ll go with you to meet her, help explain what I’m able to do to help. That might put her mind at ease a little bit.”
She lifted her head and looked up at him. “Would you?”
“Sure. After we’ve seen the doctor together.”
“Why do we have to do that?” she asked.
“I have some questions for the doctor. I want to make sure everything is going well. You know?”
“What do you mean?”
“We’ll ask a few questions about your health, the baby’s health, insurance, that sort of thing. Once you get through the early months, we’ll see your mother and I’ll reassure her that I’m going to support you. Who’s your doctor?”
“Why?”
“We should make sure you have the best.” He shrugged. “Who?”
“Charlene Weir.”
“When’s your next appointment?”
“Not for a while. I just went. Just before I told you.”
“So, when?”
“A couple of weeks,” she said. “Three, I think.”
“Okay. You be sure to give me the date of the next appointment, okay?”
“Why don’t you just tell me your questions and I’ll get the answers?”
“No,” he said, brushing her hair back from her face. “I want to go. I want to be a part of this.”
“Okay,” she said, a sentimental look in her eyes. “Will you stay with me tonight?”
“I can’t, Terri. It’s about those boundaries.”
“Well, it’s not as if I’m going to get pregnant!”
“Terri—you want me in this with you or not? I told you, I’ll be an involved father and I’ll support you the best I can. I hope we can cooperate, work together, be friends. I’d like us to do a good job with this—but we’re not a couple, and we’re not going to be intimate anymore.”
“Jesus,” she whispered, leaning against him to cry some more. “I have myself so upset I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. It’s like you feel completely different about me because I got pregnant, and it’s not my fault!”
“Shh. Since we were both taking precautions, it’s not really anyone’s fault, but it’s still a responsibility we both have. You’re going to have to settle down and be more rational. This isn’t good for you or the baby. Try to calm down a little, okay?”
“It’s just so hard,” she said. “We might not have been together that much, but when we were, it was wonderful. We got along, we liked each other. I thought when you knew we’d made a baby, you’d at least give us a try. But man—you won’t even think about it.”
“Yeah, honey…We liked each other fine, got along great, had fun—four whole times in a year. I think it takes a lot more than that to make a successful marriage. Besides, if there was potential for it to be any more serious than it is, we’d have known a long time ago. But you know what I’d like?”
“What?” she said, turning her face up to look at him.
“We’re going to be parents together. Not under the same roof, but still—we have to do this as a team. I’d like it if we could do that as friends. Two people who might not have what it takes to be a couple, but have everything we need to be good parents. That’s going to take some practice, I think.”
“You think?” she whispered.
“Yeah,” he said with a weary sigh. “Lots.”
“That woman,” she said with a sniff. “Did you know you loved her right away?” she asked.
“Right away,” he said, his arm around her.
Terri was quiet for a moment. Then she said, “I guess you probably know exactly how I feel.”
He thought it made as much sense for Terri to think herself in love with him after a couple of one-night stands as it did for him to be in love with Vanni the second he laid eyes on her. And Vanni had been as unavailable to him as he was to Terri.
“Come on,” he said to Terri. “Let’s lay down on the bed, see if you can calm down enough to rest. I can’t stay the night, though. You understand?”
“I think so, yes,” she said. “I don’t like it, but I get it. I’m not usually this crazy.”
“It’s okay. Let’s quiet you and the baby down, then I’m going to leave and go home. You feeling a little better yet?”
“There’s just no way for us, is there, Paul?”
“There’s a way for us to have this baby and be good parents, Terri. In my mind, that’s a lot.”
First thing Monday morning the phone rang at the Booth household, and Vanessa lunged for it. It was Cameron and she let out a disappointed sigh that she hoped he wouldn’t interpret. The man she’d been thinking about was Paul. She’d been worrying about him. Frantically, in fact. He hadn’t called as promised and by ten o’clock the night before she’d left messages for him at his home and office, getting no response. She’d hardly slept, afraid he’d been hurt or killed on the drive home. It didn’t feel good to have something between them yet to be resolved.
She collected herself. “Well, hello, Cameron.”
“Vanni, how are you?”
“Very well, thanks. And you?” She chewed her lip a little bit. Why couldn’t this just be Paul?
“I’m good. Listen, I know Virgin River is perfection, but I was wondering if you’d like to get out of town for a weekend.”
“A weekend?” she asked, completely unprepared for such a question.
