Chapter 27
ABBY
Jack doesn't wait for someone to speak. He takes my hand and pulls me away. We leave the others behind and he speaks to me in the gallery. It's dark. There are no windows and no bricks in here. He grabs me and pulls me into his arms. Jack breathes hard, his hands stroking my hair like I'm hurt. "I'm so sorry, Abby. I don't want you to go through this. Let's take the next flight out. We can wait for it to blow over and come back after the eye of the storm passes." There's desperation in his eyes. He wants to protect me, but he can't protect me from this.
"They're just words, Jack." I trace the skin on his forearm and avoid his eyes. He can see right through me when I look at him. "I'm more concerned about the brick itself. It seems like a stupid kid prank."
He tilts my face up so I have to look at him and holds me there. I feel my chest swell with pain and my eyes start to prickle. Tears will come if he doesn't let me go. "I know you. I know you better than you think, and I know this is hurting you. Abby, tell me what you want to do and we'll do it. I wish I could make this all go away." He tucks a stray hair behind my ear. His touch is so soft, so gentle.
I smile sadly at him. "Okay, I didn't like it." Jack gives me a look and tilts his head. "Fine, it hurt. It hurts when they talk like that about me, but better me than you. This will pass, Jack. I knew they'd go after me. It's better this way."
"I can't stand to see you hurting." His hand is on my cheek and slips back into my hair. "Every time I hear someone say something about you - "
"Then don't listen."
He laughs, like that's ridiculous, and drops his hands. He looks at me like I'm crazy. "Not listen? How? It's everywhere."
I put my hands on Jack's and hold on tight. "Turn it all off for a few days. You and I don't have to go anywhere. As long as the protesters stay in the street, we won't see them, and Gus can tell you if something needs your attention. It will settle down in a few days. I know it will. The people will get tired and go home. In the meantime, keep working, keep creating. I mean, that's what they're trying to stop. I'd love it if you finished your next piece while they were trying to bring you down." I smile softly and look up at him. "It feels like you and me against the world. It'd be really great if we won."
"What constitutes winning, Abby?" Jack steps back and runs his hands through his hair. "This group is violent. What if they - "
"Jack, life is filled with what ifs. Let's live in the here and now. We'll avoid the mob at the end of the driveway and keep on doing what we do best."
Jack glances at me out of the corner of his eye. He sighs and takes me in his arms again. "I'd feel better if we left."
"I'm not running from this, Jack. Besides, they'll just be there when we come back. I want you to keep painting. I want you to enjoy your work. I want to see that smile on your face, the one that brings out the dimple in this cheek." I press my finger to his skin and Jack smiles softly.
"I don't have a dimple." The look on his face is so somber, so serious.
"You have two, sexy painter man." I take his face in my hands and kiss the first spot. "One's here, and..." I turn his face the other way and kiss the other side. "The other is here. You have dimples, and they're so sexy."
Jack seems torn, but before he has a chance to say anything else, Gus's voice rings out, "The police are here, Jack. We need you back in the conference room."
"Be right there," Jack replies, before looking down at me. Those beautiful eyes are filled with regret. I wish I could wash it away. "Are you sure?"
I nod. "I'm not running. Besides, I've endured rougher things than this. This is nothing. The sooner we face it, the faster it'll go away."
When we return to the conference room, we each give statements. The officer commiserates with us and reminds us to keep everything locked up and board the window. "Protesters usually get rowdy in the beginning. I've dispersed them for the night. They shouldn't be back until morning. In the meantime, try to get some rest. You might want to think about a dog or a security system for the back section of the property. If things get worse, call me." He hands Jack his card, which has his name on it: Jerry Greene.
Jack takes it and shakes his hand. "Thank you for coming out. I appreciate it."
Officer Greene nods. "No problem." He glances between me and Jack, and asks, "You two go way back, huh?" Jack and I nod. Greene gets a puzzled look on his face. "I don't pretend to understand some people. They think everybody's got to think like them, do things their way. I remember seeing your story in the papers a few weeks ago. You seem like good people and it was a sweet story. The best of luck to you." He tips his hat and turns to walk out of the building.
Cara follows behind him so she can lock up. I hear her saying that we are nice people, that it's horrible that someone would do this kind of thing.
Jack lets out a rush of air. Gus is already on the phone with the glass guy, telling him to get out here tonight.
I glance at Jack. "You really think someone will come this late in the day?" It's getting late. Most glass places won't even come out here. We aren't exactly in the central part of the island.
Jack nods. "Yeah, Gus knows a guy."
"Gus knows everyone," Kate chimes in. Her arms are folded over her chest. She glances at me out of the corner of her eye. "What? I'm not allowed to say things about him? I spent over twenty hours driving cross-country with the guy. I bet I know things you haven't got any clue about." She directs the last part at Jack.
"I lived with the guy for four years, so I seriously doubt that." Jack sits down hard in the chair before looking up at us. Kate and I don't look at one another. "For god sakes, make up already. Go talk and fix whatever broke." He shoos us off.
Kate gives him a weird look, but then shrugs and walks away. I follow her into the kitchen. She grabs the canister of coffee and starts to make a pot. "I didn't mean to be a bitch last night, Abby. It's just that this guy's timing is a little off. I'd be suspicious, and you aren't. At all. What gives?"
I sit at the little table and listen to the coffee-maker percolate. The scent fills my head. I breathe deep, wondering how much to tell her. "I know it wasn't him because we were a thing for a while."
Kate's eyes bug out of her head. "Just when I think your ability to shock me ends, you go and say something like that. I thought you didn't date anyone?"
"It was before seminary. Jackson liked me a lot, but things didn't work out." I snatch a napkin off the table and twist it in my hands as I speak. "That's why I know he has nothing to do with them. I know him."
Kate is looking at me like I have two heads. "You never told me that. How far did you go with the guy?"
"Kate!" I whine and put my head on the table.
"What? It makes a difference. A guy shows up that held your hand, okay, that's fine. A guy shows up that saw you naked in the shower, now we're into a whole other bag of tricks." She grabs the creamer and pulls the sugar from the cabinet.
Lifting my head, I say, "No naked anything. The relationship never got that far. I kept comparing him to someone else."
"Jack. He wasn't Jack, so you dumped him?" She stares at me and then places the sugar on the table.
"Something like that." I grab one of the little sugar packets from the dish and slide it around the table. Not looking at Kate, I say, "You could have trusted me last night. You didn't have to act like I was your idiot little sister."
"Sometimes I have to." I bristle and look up at her. She waves her hands, "No, no - wait. Hear me out. Even if you knew him at some point, it's been years, right?" I nod. "A lot of things can change in ten years, Abby. Look at you. Can you honestly tell me that you're the same person you were the last time you saw this guy?"
I think about it. I want to blurt out "yes." I want to be right, but I'm not. There's been a shift in how I see everything. It affects every aspect of my life. "I don't think people change so much. I'm a little bit different, but you're still you."
She smiles wickedly at me. "No, I'm not. We had to start over too. When you came back, things were tense at first. It wasn't until later, until we accepted how we both changed, that we got on with being friends. That's all I'm saying. When you have batshit crazy people gunning for you, be careful of who crawls out of the woodwork. Promise me that you won't think the best of them. Make them earn it."
Kate's rationale is grounded in the right place, but I wish she wouldn't act like I can't handle things. "Kate, I can handle this. I'm not naive. Please stop worrying about me."
"Fine," she says, pouring a cup of coffee. "I just don't want anyone to hurt you. You've been whacked in the head enough times to last a lifetime. Sorry if I was an ass. I didn't mean to be." There it is - the rare and evasive apology. Kate stirs sugar into her coffee as she says it, not looking at me.
"Me, too. I hate fighting with you." Kate glances up at me. Her prickly nature settles down. I smile at her and she smiles back. My smile turns into a lopsided grin.
"Cut it out. I'm not hugging you." She points her spoon at me as she puts it in the sink.
"No one asked you to." We're both laughing awkwardly. Neither of us is touchy feely, but she comes over and hugs me anyway. When Kate pulls away, I feel so much better. "So, I keep meaning to ask you, but every time I see you, something else happens."
Kate glances up at me from over the top of her mug. "Ask me what?"
"Who's the guy?" I give her a look that says, I know that you're seeing someone.
Kate spews her coffee and chokes. She slams the mug down on the counter and quickly turns away, which lets me know that I'm right. She's met someone. I thought she so. Kate had that perky I just had sex look on her face the other day.
Blotting her mouth with a napkin, she turns back, "There is no guy." She stares at me while she says it, like staring will make it true.
"No, of course not," I tease. "But you did sleep with someone."
"Stop it!" Kate squeals and turns away. "I hate it when you do that." There's laughter in her voice, but something else is there, too. This is a secret and she doesn't want to share yet.
"Okay, sorry. Just promise you'll tell me if things get going good." For the past few months Kate has shuffled through men quickly. Right before I moved back, some ass hurt her pretty badly. She didn't recover very well. Promiscuity seemed to be her thing for a while. I'm glad she finally found someone, even if she doesn't feel comfortable telling me about it. She's too great to be alone.
Kate turns slowly. She has a sheepish look on her face. Cradling her mug between her hands, she says, "He's really, ah..." She sighs, with a starry look in her eyes that is so not Kate. She smiles at me lazily and stirs her coffee. "It's just that things are going good for once, and I don't want to jinx it. I'll tell you soon. I promise."
"I'm happy for you, Kate." And I am. She deserves someone to love her just as much as Jack loves me.
Kate's sheepish smile contorts back into the wicked one. "So," she says, leaning back against the kitchen counter, "how's my little virgin's sex life? Gus said he walked in on you guys in the studio, and there was paint...which makes me wonder..." Her voice trails off and she holds up her cup like she's toasting me.
My face burns and now I'm the one hiding behind my mug. "That wasn't sex. We were doing something else. It just looked bad." Oh God. I'm going to kill Gus. Why'd he tell Kate that? I wonder if he told Cara, too.
"Well, then get on to the nasty stuff." She puts her mug down and claps her hands together and rubs. "Do you like it? My first fuck was horrible. You remember that Benji guy? He didn't know what he was doing. The guy needed a map. But Jack should know where all the goodies are, since he was Mr. Sexy and all that. So, is he treating you good? Does he always satisfy?"
"Kate!" I squeal. I'm not used to talking about this stuff at all, and even though Kate's my best friend, it feels strange. In a hushed voice, I lean forward and say, "We can't talk about that stuff."
She gives me a funny look. "Yes, we can and we will. We're not in high school anymore, Abby. And you're married. You shouldn't feel guilty about it at all, unless he's bad." Her smile fades and she looks totally serious. "He's not bad, is he?"
"No, he's wonderful." I get that stupid look on my face and I can't hide it. Kate laughs and urges me to tell her more. I finally cave in and talk a little. "It's like we were made for each other. I don't know how else to say it. Jack can read my mind. He knows what I want, when I want it. He's done things to me that made me so insanely..." I suck in a breath of air and press my hand to my heart. "Kate, I had no idea it could be like that."
"When you find the right guy, it is. So, everything's great? You both want the same things?"
I nod and then add, "He's a little more brazen than me."
Kate sips her coffee. "What do you mean?"
"I like to keep things private and he likes to, ah, well, he wants me when and where he wants me." I tell her about the room in the restaurant on our honeymoon. Her jaw drops. "And I loved that while we were doing it, but if I knew that was his plan, I would have puked. The thought of getting caught makes me so nervous. It's not a turn-on at all, but Jack wants it."
Kate comes back to herself. Her jaw snaps shut and she says, "Try it."
"What? Weren't you listening - "
She cuts me off. "I was, but you don't know what you like until you try it. There've got to be things like that that you've already done, things that you never thought you'd do. I remember talking about oral with you before gym class. You said you'd never do that. It sounded gross at the time. It's not so gross now, am I right?" She grins at me and gives me a look.
I snort laugh and look away. "I forgot about that! But this isn't the same. I feel so frightened that I can't lose myself in the moment, you know?"
"Oh, you'll like it then. Having sex when you're scared out of your mind makes it better. I don't know how or why, but you have to work up enough nerve to try it."
Kate and I talk a little longer, until Gus comes and tells me that someone is here to see me.
Kate and I ask in unison, "Who?"
"Some guy named Jackson."
Chapter 28
ABBY
Kate gives me a look that says I would be an idiot if I talk to him. "Don't do it, Abby. Something's off about that guy."
"He was my friend. I at least need to tell him that now isn't the best time."
"Yeah, and you might want to hurry," Gus says. "He introduced himself to Jack as your ex-boyfriend. You should have seen Jack's face. It was - " I don't hear the rest of what Gus has to say. I fly down the hall and into the lobby. While we talked about it a little bit, I didn't really go into very much detail. As to why Jackson would introduce himself that way, I have no idea.
Jack is standing with his arms folded tightly across his chest, working the muscle in his jaw. Damn it. I didn't think Jackson would just show up. Kate was right. Who does that? Nothing really happened between us, but Jack doesn't know that, and there's no telling what Jackson has said. Why would he introduce himself as my ex? Is he crazy? He has to know that I married Jack.
As these thoughts race through my head, I feel my emotional hardwiring coming undone. Cords are frayed and flying every which way, and the first person who missteps is going to get fried. I don't smile. I'm not into fake and I'm not thrilled to see him. I can't believe he just dropped in and did that.
Jackson glances up at me. "Abby." His voice is a little too high, like he's nervous.
"Jackson, now isn't a good time." I walk briskly toward Jack and stand next to my husband with Jackson across from me. "Today has been crazy, so I didn't get a chance to call." Jack's eyebrows climb up his face and he turns his head and looks at me for a second. I say, "Jackson went to college with me."
"He told me that. I asked how he knew you and he said you guys dated, which surprised the hell out of me." Jack locks his jaw again and stares holes into Jackson.
If the tension goes up another notch, I'll scream. I breathe to steady myself and push my fingers through my hair, tugging it out of my face. "We did, but that was a million years ago." I turn my attention to Jackson and ask, "And you - what do you have a death wish or something? This is my husband, as in the guy I married. What the hell is wrong with you?"
"I told you he was a bastard," Kate says from behind me. She waves the tips of her fingers at Jackson and smiles. "Want me to toss his ass into the picket line?"
I round on her. "No! Go away!"
Kate flinches and turns, taking Gus with her, she walks away muttering. "Come on. We're not wanted." The smirk on her face irritates the hell out of me. It's an I was right smile.
Jackson speaks up, "I didn't mean to cause trouble, Abby. And I'm sorry, Mr. Gray. I thought your name was Jonathan and Abby married a guy named Jack." Jackson shifts his weight from foot to foot and then looks back at the door. "Maybe I should go?"
"That's an idea," Jack replies coldly. I press my hand to Jack's arm. The muscle beneath is insanely taut.
"Jack," I say softly, looking up at him. I admit, I kind of like the jealousy thing. I've never seen Jack act like this before. It's hard not to smile. I say to Jackson, "Jonathan is a pseudonym. Listen, it was nice of you to stop in, but it's really bad timing. Maybe you should look me up next time you're in New York. I'm going to be up to my neck in this for the next week or more and going someplace with you to catch up isn't a good idea. I don't want the media to turn on you. Your career will be over in a blink."
Jackson smiles and shakes his head. "Abby, you're funny. I have no career, remember? My dad had too much money and even after the seven wives, there's still some left for me. I go where the wind blows. Right now I'm on vacation for the next few weeks. I'm staying at a house a few blocks from here. If you feel like chatting, feel free to stop by." He looks at Jack, "Again, I apologize for my lack of tact. Abby was a dear friend to me when I sorely needed one. You're lucky to have her." Jackson smiles at me and turns away. He picks up his briefcase and heads for the door.
I glance at Jack, feeling torn. Something about what Jackson said makes me feel like I have to answer. As he reaches for the door, I say, "We'll stop by sometime."
Jackson glances at me. "Good, I'd like that." Then he's gone.
Two seconds before Jack goes supernova, Gus and Kate make a mad run for the door.
"Ignore us, just passing through. Abby, you're an idiot. Jack, don't kill her. I'm pretty sure that was her only boyfriend and I think the most they did was hold hands." Gus is tugging Kate's arm, but she won't shut up. "They wore gloves and had a chaperone. Abby always wears protection."
Gus sucks in a shocked breath and pulls her out the front door. I hear him hiss, "Are you crazy? Abby's going to kill you."
The door closes and it's just me and Jack. Cara is gone. The glass guy is gone. The window is patched up and a new set of blinds is hanging in the window, blocking out the rest of the world. Kate's headlights disappear down the driveway. Since I don't hear a ton of honking, I assume the protesters have gone home for the night.
Jack turns away from me without a word. He locks the front door and moves through the lobby, flipping switches and shutting off lights.
"You can't be mad at me?" I ask, surprised by his reaction. "Jack, that was a long time ago."
"It doesn't matter." He sounds pissed.
"Hey, I didn't ask you to provide me with a list of everyone you dated. I didn't ask for the name of every girl you slept with, either." I'm on his heels when Jack stops short. He rounds on me.
"I would have told you. I would have told you if an ex showed up at the house and was asking for me. I would have told you if she asked to hang out and talk about old times. Damn, Abby." His blue eyes are blazing with fury. He shakes his head and says, "Just, damn." He turns and walks toward the hall that connects to the studio.
My heart thumps and falls into my stomach. I reach for him. "Wait, I don't understand why you're upset. I didn't do anything." I wait for him to stop, but he doesn't. "Jack, talk to me. I don't want to fight."
When I follow him into the studio, it's pitch black. The sun has already set. Jack flips on the overhead light and turns toward me. "You're really telling me that you didn't think anything of this guy, that he means nothing to you?" Jack's face is pinched. His arms fold tightly across his chest like he's protecting his heart.
"No," I answer, shocked that he thinks that. I put my hands on his forearms and look into his eyes. "He showed up. I think of him as a friend, because most of the time I knew him, that's what he was."
"How'd you end up dating?"
I shrug, "He kissed me. I wanted to see if I could get over someone, so I let him. Jackson was getting over his own heartache. We leaned on each other for a while. Eventually, we noticed that we didn't belong together. I didn't want a placeholder boyfriend and that's what he was. I took him because I couldn't have you."
Jack's eyes hold mine until that moment. He looks down at our hands. "How much did you do with him? You weren't in seminary yet, right? So you could have - "
A crooked smile fills my face. "You're the only one, Jack. I didn't sleep with him. I didn't sleep with anyone. Second base was as far as we got. He was pushing for third, but he never got there."
Jack's tension seems to ease ever so slightly. "But he kissed you."
"But I'm yours for tonight, forever. He didn't get me, you did. There's no comparison. I don't even think of him that way anymore. The time we spent dating was a blip compared to the rest of our friendship. And the entire time I was with Jackson, I wanted you. I'm a horrible person." I look away as I say the last part. I feel like a horrible person. Maybe I jerked Jackson around. I definitely jerked Jack around. The last thing I'd want is for him to feel like I don't want him. At the same time, the jealousy is a little sweet.
"No, you're not horrible. I am. You've never pressed me on stuff like this." He takes my hand and looks down at me with those liquid blue eyes. "I deserve to be pressed. I pushed you hard and fast when you showed up again. It's surprised me that you don't ask about the others, about my past."
"I can't pretend that I don't care, because I do, but I don't think that will help us move forward. I want to make memories with you that will make those other girls fade away." I press my lips together and look up at him. "I've been thinking about what you asked me to do, about being with you on the beach, in the open." My heart beats inside my chest so hard that I feel breathless.
Jack grins. His thumbs rub the back of my hands. "Have you now?"
I nod. "I have. It might be possible, maybe after the press is gone."
Jack winks at me and I feel my body flame to life. He leans in close to my ear, "If it was only the press, I'd take you out into the surf and make love to you anyway."
I blush violently and turn away, trying to hide my face. "Jack, I barely think I can do it and then you say something like that!" He grins, revealing dimples that only show up when he smiles broadly. I slap his chest and he grabs my wrists.
Leaning close to my face, he whispers in my ear, "If the picketers weren't here, I'd throw you over my shoulder and take you out there right now." Jack straightens as he realizes what he said.
I realize it, too. The picketers are gone. The police scattered them and the press until morning. My heart pounds harder as I look into his beautiful face. Jack wants this so much. I said I'd try. Twisting my fingers, I ask from under my lashes, "Did you do this with anyone else?"
Jack takes my hands. He stills my nervous movements and says, "No. Not even kissing in the surf. This is something that would be between me and you. It was the kind of thing where I had one girl in mind, you know? It became the fantasy that blew all the others away. Making love to Abby Tyndale in the ocean, pressing her back up against the sand and feeling the waves wash over us. It's not the kind of thing I wanted to do with anyone else. Just you."
I know I need to make a decision. My pulse roars in my ears as I look up into Jack's face. All the hardness, all the fear, washes away for a moment. I know he's thinking about it, his fantasy of me on the beach. I want to give it to him, but after the way today went, I don't know if I have the guts to do it. My emotions are frayed as it is. If something happens...I swallow hard and ask, "How long have you had this particular fantasy, Mr. Gray?"
Jack's quiet for a moment. When I look up at him from under my lashes, he has a wicked smile on his face. "Since high school."
"Seriously?" I'm shocked. I had no idea.
He nods, looking utterly boyish. "You were the girl I couldn't have. Me and you would go sit on the beach and talk - remember that? - The beach kind of became our place, our spot. Of course that's where I'd want you most. It's where I fell in love with you."
I smile at him and can't believe what I'm going to say. Taking his hand in mine, I lift it to my lips and kiss the back of his hand. "Come on." I tug him gently, pulling him along with me.
"Where are we going?" he asks, stopping me. I turn and look up at him, my heart is bursting at the seams. I can't believe he wanted me for so long. I have trouble remembering how much he adored me back then. At the time, Jack was my friend and I didn't see the desire in his eyes. Now, it's all I see.
"To the beach. I like the idea of being your fantasy."
"You'll always be my fantasy, Abby. You don't have to do this." He looks down into my face, searching my eyes. My heart is racing like I've been running, but it feels good. I'm still nervous, but it's a feels good kind of nervous.
Without a word, I lead him out the back door. Jack locks the studio behind him and we walk slowly hand in hand toward the water. Jack squeezes my hand and I squeeze back.
