Margot gasped but Rome wasn’t done. “You and dad need a wakeup call. I could have just as easily come home in a body bag as a cast. You’ve already lost one son, you need to appreciate the ones you have left regardless if you agree with the choices we’re making or not.”
The tears came harder and she leaned her head on my shoulder. “Shaw loves coming to visit on Sunday; we should just stop asking her to bring Rule because clearly he doesn’t want to be here. I’m done trying to make him be part of this family it just hurts too much.”
Rome shook his head and both of us sighed he followed his brother out of the room as I continued to pat Margot on the shoulder. This woman had been kind to me, treated me as a daughter when my own had no use for me so what I was about to say to her came from a place of refusing to watch another family disintegrate in on its self.
“Margot you and Dale are wonderful people and good parents but you have to stop living in the past. I’m not going to come see you guys on Sunday anymore, not unless you guys figure out how to accept Rule for exactly who he is and love him anyway. I miss Remy and it was tragic how he died, but you are never going to turn Rule into him and I can’t stand by and watch you continue to try. My parents have been forcing me into a mold that doesn’t fit for years and I only wish I had enough will to refuse the way Rule does.”
I climbed to me feet and had to fight back my own tears when she looked at me with shock and dismay marked on her face.
“If Remy was here none of this would be happening. Rule would never have started acting so awful, you and he would still be so happy together and Rome never would have gone off and joined the stupid military.”
I had to take a few steps away because there was so much wrong with that thinking that it nearly floored me. “Margot, Rule was always a handful, he never just bowed to you and Dale’s dictates, Rome was enlisted way before the accident and I’ve told you a million times Remy was my best friend, we didn’t have feelings for each other like that. I think you need to consider talking to a professional because you’re rewriting history and while you’re doing it you’re losing a pretty terrific son.”
“You can’t honestly believe that? Rule is just as awful to you as he is to me and his father.”
I bit my lip and rubbed my temples harder. “He isn’t awful; he’s just harder to love. Remy made it easy for you guys, Rule never has but he deserves the effort and until this family can see that I have better ways to spend my time. If I wanted bickering and bitterness I would just go home. I love you and Dale, but I see what you’re doing to Rule and I will not be a part of it anymore. Rome was right; you need to appreciate the family you have and not spend your life comparing them to the family you lost. Remy was my whole world, Margot but he’s gone and Rule is here.”
She crossed her arms and flopped down on the table. I knew there would be no getting through to her so I went to go to the front door. I wasn’t surprised to see Dale leaning against the kitchen counter, watching me with serious eyes.
“She isn’t going to do well without you coming by. You’re an important part of this family.”
I tucked the ends of hair behind my ears and gave him a rueful smile. “So is your son.”
“Margot isn’t the only one that needs to remember that, and you have to admit that hair is ridiculous.”
I laughed for real this time and walked over to give him a hug. “She needs help Dale. Remy’s been gone for a while and all she wants to do is push Rule to take his place. That isn’t going to happen, we all know that.”
He kissed the top of my head and set me away from him. “Don’t know why you’re always defending that boy; he’s got a hot temper and a wild streak a mile long. You’re a smart, beautiful girl you have to know how Rule’s story ends.”
“I don’t believe in skipping ahead Dale. I read the book all the way through. Tell Margot to give me a call when she calms down but I’m serious about Sundays. Until it’s an actually family gathering, until Rule stops being vilified for just being who he is and not who you want him to be I’m not coming. This just hurts too much.”
“Fair enough little girl, but if you need anything you know we’re just a phone call away.”
“I know.”
“I know he wouldn’t appreciate you falling on the sword for him.”
“Maybe not Dale, but it’s my sword to fall on and even if nobody, including Rule himself can see it, he’s worth it. I think so and I know Remy always thought so, you might want to try and remember that next time he shows up with pink hair.”
I made my way to the drive way and paused when I saw the brothers with their heads bent close together. Rule looked mad and Rome looked sad, it was heartbreaking and impressive all at the same time. Rule saw me first and pulled away. They said something to one another in low tones and bumped fists. Rome pulled Rule into a one armed hug and made his way over to me. I received the same treatment with the addition of a kiss on the cheek.
“I’m gonna put as many fires out here as I can over the next week or so and then make my way to the city. I’ll hit you up when I can.”
“Try and convince your mom to get some help Rome, please.”
“I love you little girl, you try and keep that jackass out of trouble for me.”
I brushed a kiss across his cheek in return. “I always do.”
“I didn’t know it was this bad, Shaw. I’ve missed so much by being away.”
“Families are like anything else, they take work, patience and people willing to make it work, I’m so very glad you came home Rome.”
I moved away after another hug and tossed my keys at Rule. “I have a headache can you drive back to the city?” I normally never let him anywhere near my car, he had a lead foot and no regard for other drivers on the road, but I wasn’t going to make it. I felt the headache growing into a migraine and all I wanted to do was close my eyes and crawl into a soft bed and pull the covers over my head. I got into the passenger seat and curled into a ball.
Rule didn’t say anything as he turned the ignition on and headed us home. He left the radio off and didn’t even try and bother with forced pleasantries. I knew he wouldn’t apologize for the scene; he never did so I didn’t even bring it up. I was drifting in and out of a little nap when Gabe’s ringtone started to trill from my pocket. I swore which was something a rarely did and turned the stupid thing off. By now my stomach was in knots and I was seeing spots in front of my eyes.
“He calls you now more than when you were dating.” Rule’s voice was low and I wondered if he had any idea how much my head was hurting.
“It’s a pain. I told you he didn’t get it.”
“Is it a problem?” I cracked an eye open because it was really out of character for him to even kind of show concern for me.
“No, I mean it’s only been a couple weeks and I think he misses the idea of me more than actually being with me. I keep thinking he’ll get bored or find someone else and just go away.”
“Make sure you let somebody know if he becomes an issue. No girl should have to deal with that noise.”
“I will.” We lapsed back into silence again until he cleared his throat. I’d known Rule long enough to know he was working his way up to something and I just needed to listen.
“Look, I’m sorry about this morning, I’m sorry about a lot of Sunday mornings. You don’t need to keep seeing me at my worst; in fact it’s not your job to see to me at all. I’m done with forced family fun time it’s not doing anything but driving the knife in deeper and I see that now. This drama has been building for years and it’s not fair that you’re still stuck in the middle of it without Remy to back you up. He loved you to death and I’ve done a piss poor job honoring that.”
I was in too much pain to argue the semantics of my relationship, or rather nonrelarionship with Remy to Rule yet again. No one in the Archer family seemed to get that we were friends, best friends and nothing more. The legend of our relationship had turned into a monster that I just couldn’t combat especially when the tiny amount I had eaten for brunch was suddenly crawling back up my throat. I lurched forward and grabbed Rule’s arm. It probably wasn’t the smartest move since we were going ninety five on the freeway but I was about to toss my cookies in a car that cost more than some people made in a year.
“Pull over!” Rule let out a string of curse words and hastily weaved around a minivan to the shoulder of the road. I got the door open and practically fell on my knees as I lost everything in a violent stream on the asphalt. Warm hands pulled my ponytail out the way and handed me a ragged bandana when I could finally breathe. I took the bottle of water he handed me and sat back on my heels while the world tilted in a bunch of different directions.
“What’s wrong?”
I sloshed the water around and spit it out on the ground away from the tips of his black boots. “Migraine.”
“Since when do you have those?”
“Since always. I need to lie down in the back.”
He pulled me to my feet with a hand under my arm and I realized it was the first time in years he had ever deliberately touched me. We never hugged, never brushed against each other, never hi fived or shook hands; we were strictly in a hands-off type of relationship so my system almost revolted at the contact. I groaned as he practically shoved me back into the car. I was short so stretching out along the back seat wasn’t a big deal. Rule got back behind the wheel and look at me over his shoulder. “You gonna make it the rest of the way?”
I threw and arm over my eyes and placed a hand on my rolling belly. “It’s not like I have a choice. Just be ready to pull back over if I scream at you.”
He pulled back into traffic and was quiet for only a minute before demanding, “Does everyone know you get migraines?”
“No. I don’t get them very often, just when I’m stressed out or not sleeping well.”
“Did Remy know?”
I wanted to sigh but I just answered, “Yes.”
He muttered something I couldn’t hear and I felt him rather than saw him look back at me. “He never told me. He told me everything, even crap I had zero interest in hearing, he never shut up about you.”
He was wrong, so very, very wrong but that was Remy’s secret and even though he was gone I still would go to the grave with it. There was a lot Rule and Rome never knew about their brother, things that he was scared to share, things he battled with on a daily basis and the fact I had migraines and was irrevocably in love with Rule didn’t even scratch the surface.
“He probably just forgot about it, like I said I don’t get them very often and when you guys moved to Denver and I still had to finish high school he probably just forgot they happened because we didn’t hangout as much anymore. They’ve been worse the last few years.” I didn’t have to explain it was because Remy was gone and all the stress he balanced out for me was now my own to deal with.
