Sarah comes running up. She and Leo have their usual reunion. He lays down, looking tired. She gives me a look, "You have to make him stay. He can't do those big runs anymore."
I smile at the angry, little face, "Try telling him that."
She makes a noise and walks off with him. Jake laughs, "I think the teen years are about to hit."
I scowl at him, "She's twelve."
He shrugs, "Anna got evil at twelve."
I roll my eyes, "She was probably just tired of taking care of you."
He hops off his horse and drags me off of mine, "Oh really?" He throws me over his shoulder and carries me into the huge animal pen we've built for the cows, sheep, goats, and pigs. He tosses me into the haystack and jumps into the hay with me.
"Wanna roll in the hay?"
I shake my head, "No. It's prickly."
He pokes me in the arm, "You are getting softer. The Emma I met two years ago would have rolled in the hay, till it was soft as silk."
I snort.
He laughs, "I'm not kidding, you were like The Terminator."
I remember something and frown, "I'm pretty sure the last time you called me that, you also said I was a bitch and kissing me was a mistake."
His mouth hangs open for a second. He winces, "Yeah, that was the old me. I've improved, where as you've really slipped."
I smack his arm, "Shut up."
The hay pokes into my back, but I ignore it and glance over at him, "You ready to hike up?"
He nods, "I just want to tell you, kissing you was the first smart thing I ever did. Everything else from then on was insanely stupid."
"Not everything."
He laughs and gets up. I take his hand when he offers it and stand up.
We walk over to where Sarah is giving Leo water.
"Ready?"
She smiles, "I can't wait. First swim of the season."
Anna comes out of the farmhouse with her belly sticking out by a mile. I shake my head, "You look fatter than you did three days ago."
She flips me the bird. Nick comes out after her. His eyes are filled with worry. He's looked like that since she stopped getting her period again.
"The summer heat better wait for me to give birth, not even kidding."
Nick points, "We're heading over to the river for her to soak her feet again. The swelling is getting bad."
I look down and snicker at the tree stumps she has for ankles. She points, "You just wait. You'll have a baby one day and I'll make fun of your tree trunks too."
My face burns, but I shake my head, "I don’t think so."
Her eyes dart at Jake, "We'll see."
Jake and I have maintained our flirting, but he doesn’t know how I feel about him. Anna knows, because like Meg was able to, she can read my face perfectly. It's annoying.
We walk as a group to the river. The flow is higher with the snow melt so Anna and Nick stay in the area that is roped off with logs.
"Have fun swimming," she says with a sad face.
Nick growls at her, "We aren’t talking about this again. When the baby is born and healthy, we can talk about going to the retreat."
Anna sticks her tongue out at him. He's not like Bernie. He's like Will—a lot. He doesn’t take any shit off of her, which isn’t a bad thing. Jake loves him and the way he tells Anna like it is.
No one but Anna was happy she got pregnant again, least of all Nick. He and I both worry about what the baby will be. Things like me and him and Star have never reproduced before.
I wave to her, "Be safe, rest, and listen to Nick."
Nick winks at me, "You can say it all you want. She hears what she wants to."
Jake laughs and Anna swats Nick in the arm. He wraps himself around her, kissing her neck and whispering things to her. We leave them there, in love and happy. I wish I were more like her; I always have, but it's worse now. She is comfortable with her love for Bernie and Nick. She keeps them separate in her heart, but equally important.
When we get to the meeting tree, I stop in front of the rock pile I know is his. There are more now but his is directly under the meeting tree.
Jake and Sarah stand next to me. We are silent for a second and then Jake gives me a look, "Can you guys give me a minute?"
We nod and start up the hill to the left, to the retreat.
Sarah smiles at me with a funny glint in her eyes. I frown at her, "What did you do to him?"
She laughs, "What?"
I look back at Jake, "I see that look in your eyes. What have you been up to?"
She rolls her eyes, "For a smart girl, you are so dumb sometimes."
"Whatever." Great, the evil-teen years are coming.
We get pretty far ahead of Jake, but I don’t worry as much about him. He doesn’t walk quietly but he has learned to kill things.
I run my fingers through Leo's fur and grip my bow. Sarah grips hers too. She has become almost as good of a shot as some of the men. I think she'll be better at it than them in a couple years.
When I see the first guard in the platform, I wave. He waves back.
We crest the hill and see the people from the other camps and villages.
It's like a reunion every summer.
People wave and greet me with hugs and kindness. They ask about Anna and Nick, who like Star, has won them all over with his ability to be charming. They don’t treat me the same way; there is still something in their eyes, but the death of Will and the fact I opened my home up to so many, has earned me a place.
It doesn’t change the fact I am still awkward. Too many people around me makes me feel funny. They glance at my guns and my bow. I am one of the few allowed to bring weapons into the camps and villages, thanks to Star and her bright ideas. I fidget and think about Granny as we cross to the tents.
Abundance of food, smiles, and sunshine makes the retreat more fun.
People I recognize wave at me, women I saved hug me, and the ones who still think I'm the devil's mistress glare at me. For whatever reason, those people make me the most comfortable. Shit is wrong with me.
I walk through and head for the trail to the swimming hole. Sarah runs, stripping her clothes off.
Jake catches up, breathing heavily. He scowls when he sees Sarah stripping her outer shirt off, and looks like he's about to say something, but I laugh, "I told her she has to wear a shirt and shorts this year."
He sighs, "Thanks. Last year was awkward as ass."
Leo keeps up with Sarah. They dive into the water together. They still swim fairly similarly.
I pull off my tee shirt, shorts, my gun holsters, knife in my boots, and quiver and bow. Jake looks at the pile and shakes his head. I scowl and jump in, in my underwear and tank top.
The water is cold; I gasp and try to catch my breath. It's the cleanest I've felt all year. I splash around, enjoying the cool of the water when my body adjusts. I look over at Jake, seeing the large, lumpy scar on his leg.
He dives in and swims underwater to where I am. It makes me nervous. He always pulls me under when we swim; I hate it.
Instead, he surfaces close to my face and spits water at me. Sarah laughs. I leap at him, dunking him under the water for a change.
He laughs and pulls me under.
Sarah starts to shiver. She nods at me, "I'm going to find Nan and get something to eat."
Jake points at her, "You stay with the cook hags. You do not walk around until we get up there."
She rolls her eyes and swims away. I look at Leo, "Stay with Sarah."
He almost rolls his eyes too and splashes after her. He jumps out, shaking his body and covering our clothes in water. Jake sighs, "That wolf is a vindictive bastard."
I nod, "Yeah," and lay back to float, looking up at the clouds.
I feel him float over near to me.
"Tell me something you remember from before."
"One time, when I was about ten or eleven my mom and dad took us to this restaurant. It was really fancy and expensive. Mom got a promotion and we were celebrating it. I had to go to the bathroom; I spilled some of the sauce from my steak on my pants. Dad laughed but mom was mad. I went to clean up and there was a guy in there. He had on a suit and a nervous look. He was pacing. He freaked me out a little bit. He pulled a box out of his suit pocket and sighed looking at this huge diamond ring. He saw me looking and held it so I could see too. He asked me if I thought it was nice. I said yeah, I didn’t really know if it was or not. He took a deep breath and nodded his head and said, wish me luck kid. So I said good luck and he walked out. When I finished washing my pants off and drying them under the hand dryer, I got out into the restaurant and he was on his knee. A pretty lady was crying and nodding. The whole restaurant starting clapping as he slid the ring on her finger. He and the lady hugged and kissed, and my mom cried a little bit. She and Dad leaned in and kissed too." He laughs, "I remember thinking that was exactly how I would ask my wife to marry me."
I smile and look over at him. He's not floating on his back, he's holding something and treading water next to me.
The thing in his hands is a metal box, rough and rusted. He opens it and inside is a ring with a red stone. It looks like a ring I once gave to Stella as payment to escape with my life and virtue intact.
I look into his eyes, seeing the sparkle that was there before I made him more like me.
He grins, "I don’t have a fancy restaurant to take you to, and even if I did, I'm not sure you would like it. Your fondness for killing the things you eat is not something that would have suited that. And honestly, I can't think of a better place to tell you I love you. Even when I shouldn’t have, and I wasn’t supposed to, I did. I wanted you when I met you and I still do. I can't change the way I feel, so I am embracing it. If you need more time…"
I swim to him, cutting him off and wrap my legs around him. I place my hands on his face, close my eyes, and press my lips to his.
His body against mine is warm and comfortable. His love is the kind that makes my heart safe. My mind tries to compare them, but my heart stops and makes room for them both. Anna was right, there is no time. Today could be all I get and I don’t want to be without him for one minute longer.
