Quite simply, she decided, he just didn’t find her physically attractive. She might as well own up to the fact and learn to live with it. This was the second and last time she’d play the part of a fool. He’d trampled across her heart and her pride for the last time.
Dragging the bucket from the storage closet, she sniffled and reached for the mop. It was either vent this incredible frustration one way or cave into the deep, dry well of self-pity.
She mopped the kitchen floor with a vengeance, rubbing the mop over the already spotless floor as though it were caked with a thick layer of mud.
"Hannah."
She jerked upright and swung the mop around with her. She held it out in front of her like a knight’s swift sword, intending to defend her honor. "Stay away from me, Riley Murdock."
"I think we should talk."
She brandished the mop beneath his nose in a warning gesture. Water drenched the front of his shirt, and a shocked look came into his eyes. "You can forget that. I’m through with… talking." She hated the way her voice cracked. Riley seemed to find it a sign of weakness and advanced toward her. Once again Hannah swung the mop around, determined to deter him. "You’ve already said everything I care to hear," she informed him primly. "I got your message loud and clear. First thing in the morning, I’ll move my things into Sam’s bedroom."
"Why would you do that?" he demanded, his temper rising. He attempted to grab hold of the mop, but she experienced a small sense of triumph by eluding his grasp.
"Why?" she repeated with a harsh laugh. "I refuse to sleep with a man who finds me so unattractive." Just admitting as much hurt almost more than she could bear. Tears filled her vision until Riley’s image blurred and swam before her.
"It’s not you who’s lacking," Riley explained. "It’s me."
"I don’t believe that for a moment," she countered sharply, struggling to hold back the emotion. "I don’t ‘turn you on.’ Isn’t that what people say nowadays?"
"Don’t turn me on? Are you nuts?"
"Apparently so." She jabbed the mop into the bucket with enough force to slosh the water over the sides. Without bothering to drain off the excess liquid, she slopped it onto the floor. "You must find my attempts to lure you into bed downright hilarious." She gave a short laugh, as if she, too, found them amusing.
"Hannah, for the love of heaven, will you listen to me?"
"No…just leave me alone." She raised the mop threateningly in an effort to persuade him she meant business.
"Put that thing down before you hurt yourself," he demanded with a growl.
"Make me." Hannah couldn’t believe she’d said anything so childish. Riley had driven her lower than she’d ever thought she would sink.
Riley shook his head as if he, too, couldn’t believe she’d challenge him in such a juvenile manner. When she least expected it, his hand shot out and he jerked the mop free of her grasp and hurled it to the floor.
Hannah was too stunned to react. She backed against the kitchen counter, feeling very much like a small, cornered animal, left defenseless and alone. She’d never felt more isolated in her life. Not even when she’d first realized she was pregnant with Riley’s child.
"I’m not good enough for you," he admitted in an emotion-riddled breath. "Don’t you understand?"
"No, I don’t," she cried.
"Loving you isn’t right."
Hannah glared at him with all the frustration pent up in her heart and then hurled the wet dishrag at him, hitting him in the shoulder. The damp cloth stuck there as if glued into place.
"It’s a fine time to tell me that!" she shouted. "What am I supposed to tell Sam? That he was a terrible mistake and you rue the day you ever met his mother?"
"Of course not. Hannah, please, try to understand. By everything that’s right, you should be married to Jerry Sanders."
"Is that a fact? What would you like me to do about it? Tell God He made a mistake so He can send Jerry back for a wedding?"
"Don’t be ridiculous."
"Me?" she countered with a short hysterical laugh. "You’re so eager to be rid of me, you’re willing to pawn me off on a dead man."
Riley closed his eyes. "I’ve never known you to be so unreasonable. Think about it for a minute, would you?"
"Think about what? That you don’t want me? How will that help matters any? Answer me one thing," she demanded between tears of rage and tears of pain. "Do you regret being married to me?"
An eternity passed before he answered. When he did, she had to strain to hear him. "Yes, but not for the reasons you think."
It would have pained her less had he stabbed her through with a knife. The fight drained out of her, and she dropped her hands lifelessly to her sides. All the weeks and months she’d loved him, cherished each precious moment they were together, treasured the tenderness and the caring. All along, it had been a lie. "I see."
"I’m a bastard!" Riley shouted. "I grew up on the wrong side of the tracks. If I’d looked at a girl like you when I was in high school, I would have been arrested. The fact we’re married is a crime. You could have had any man you wanted, and frankly, sweetheart, you could do a hell of a lot better than me." He paused and seemed to wait for his words to sink in. "There are others out there like Jerry. Good, honest men. You should be married to one of them. Not me."
"You seem to be forgetting one minor detail," she said in a voice that was little more than a whisper. "I’m already married to you."
The tortured look Riley wore suggested he didn’t need to be reminded. "If I didn’t love you so damn much, I would have released you from our vows."
"You want to prove your love for me by abandoning me?" The very idea was too ludicrous to consider.
"Our marriage can’t be annulled any longer," he admitted with a pained look. "I ruined any chance of that the night we made love."
"Ruined it… You mean you were honestly considering doing such a thing?" Hannah was too furious to think. She glanced around, ready to hurl the first available object she could find directly at her husband. His thinking was so twisted. He left her defenseless and more outraged than she could ever remember being in her life.
Moving quickly, Riley stepped forward and caught her in his arms. The tears he saw in her eyes appeared to distress him, and frowning, he brushed them aside. Closing her eyes, Hannah jerked her face away. She struggled, but Riley wouldn’t release her and she soon gave up the effort.
"I love you so damn much," he confessed.
Hannah was about to argue with him when he pulled her mouth to his and kissed her, not bothering to hide the desperation and the pain of his confession.
For the first time, Hannah was able to put aside the rejection of the pain and understand everything Riley had been saying to her. He did love her – more than she dared credit, more than she dared to dream, enough to do what he felt was right and good where she and Sam were concerned.
Her hands found his face, and she slanted her mouth over his, opening to him. Again and again Riley kissed her, and she kissed him until she felt feverish with need.
"Oh, God, Hannah," he whispered, pressing his forehead against hers. "You make me crazy."
"I know," she murmured, raining nibbled kisses along the underside of his jaw. "I’ve been listening to crazy talk from you for the last several minutes, and I refuse to hear any more."
"Hannah, for the love of God…"
She silenced him the most effective way she knew how. "My turn," she said, holding him against her, wondering if any man could ever make her want him as much as she did him.
She led him into the living room and lowered him into the recliner. Once he was seated, she settled on his lap, to be sure she could intercept his arguments before they had time to form.
"You’re right. Jerry Sanders was a special man. I loved him – he’ll always hold a special place in my heart. But that in no way discounts my love for you."
Riley’s eyes widened, and it looked as though he intended to argue with her, but she pressed her mouth on his, teased apart his lips with her tongue and then made a lightning-quick strike before abruptly ending the kiss. Riley was left panting and helpless, just the way Hannah meant to keep him until he listened to reason.
"You’re my husband. The love I feel for you and Sam is so powerful it sometimes overwhelms me. I never knew a person could hold so much love inside. It overflows sometimes, and all I can do is sit and weep and thank God for sending you into my life."
"Hannah-"
"Let me finish," she interrupted, pressing her finger to his lips. "The night… we met, Reverend Parker at the Mission House and I had a talk. I remember it as clearly as if it were this afternoon. He reminded me that God works in mysterious ways. I didn’t believe him at the time – I was hurting too much. Now I understand. God took Jerry from me and then He sent you and Sam into my life. If you want to question God’s wisdom that’s certainly your right, but I don’t. There’s a balance to nature. Out of my grief were born the greatest joys of my life – you and Samuel."
"But-"
"I’m not done yet," she chastised gently. "You can go ahead and try to get rid of me if that’s what you really want, but I’m telling you right now, it won’t work. I plan on sticking around for a good long time. Ninety years or more."
Riley went quiet and still. He closed his eyes, blocking her out. He seemed to be battling within himself, fighting her love and everything she was offering him. She knew she’d won when he opened his eyes and studied her, his eyes intensely blue. "You’re sure about this?"
"Very sure. Do you think I might be able to convince you to tag along for the ride?"
The slightest hint of a smile touched Riley’s bottomless eyes. "Are you going to attempt to unman me with any more mops? Or hurl more cold dishrags at me?"
"That depends on whether you refuse to make love to me again," she informed him with a prim lift to her voice.
"I don’t think that’s going to be much of a problem in the future."
Hannah grinned and relaxed. "I’m glad to hear it."
"In fact, I’m thinking we should follow your earlier suggestion and make up for lost time." His hands were at her waist, stroking her hips in a seductive, caressing motion.
"There’s lots of time to make up for," she reminded him, linking her arms around his neck.
"It could take all night," he told her, looking so eager it was all Hannah could do not to laugh outright. In one swift motion he rose to his feet, scooping Hannah into his arms as he did so. He carried her through the house toward their bedroom.
"All night?"
"Perhaps days," he said, his eyes shining into hers.
