Chapter Six
Angelo hits as hard as I did, if not harder. I stumble back. He points at me, "Easy, Eli. For fuck's sake. Take it easy."
I put my hands back up and shake my head. I see stars but it doesn’t stop me. I jump back in, distracting him with my left and smoking my right across his jaw. He stumbles back, giving me the look. I wouldn't normally like that look but she's going on a date. I won't ever be okay with it. So many things are wrong with me. I wish I could just make myself forget about the way I feel about her. I don’t see the breaks anymore. I see her the way she is and I still want her. I need help.
I need Angelo to give me the beating of a lifetime. He won't unless I provoke him. I hit him again, not letting him have the second he needs. His fists start to fly. I lose sight of the floor and ceiling as my body bends back from the impact. I feel the ropes holding me in, but his sweaty torso is against mine. His hand comes back and I see a flash of color.
He is gone and Stuart is holding my face up. Lance shouts, "I told you boys, none of that shit in my gym. Angelo, showers now!"
My ears are pounding, making Lance's shouts and Stuart's words muffled by the blood. My eyes blur for a second and I feel it. I sigh into the release of the white noise and fuzz. Stuart holds me up, "Crazy son of a bitch."
I lean back into the ropes and let it all go. The exhaustion and perfection of the pain is remarkable. It's like exhaling the smoke of a tight cigar, rolled on the meaty thighs of a Cuban woman who knows what she's doing. It's bliss and drunken delight. I stagger out of the ropes and down the hall to the showers.
I don’t even have my gloves off, when I see him. His eyes flash, "Adams, I told you. I told you not to push me like that. What the fuck?" He is seething and pacing, like a cat behind a glass cage. I've seen a jaguar do it before in Thailand at a zoo. He watched us, pacing and plotting. Angelo looks the same. He's angry and contemplating ways to murder me.
I nod, "Sorry, man."
He snarls, "Don’t say sorry. It pisses me off more."
"Okay." I tug at the tape and gloves.
He gets a savage look in his eyes but comes over and helps me take my gloves off, "You're a pain in the ass sometimes."
"I know."
Stuart comes in looking hostile too, "Dude, Lance is having an old-man attack. You gotta stop that shit. The underground clubs are for that shit." He grins at Angelo, "You gotta knock him out faster next time."
Anger and annoyance are still slathered across Angelo's face. He growls, "You can't knock this mutha out. He's immune to pain." He gets up and leaves for the showers.
Stuart folds his thick arms across his chest, "I gotta go. She's going on that date and I'm going out with Michelle. You gotta keep your crazy locked down, dude. For reals. She has earned space. She's doing great so far."
I sigh, "For reals? Is that a new one? You're making them up now, aren’t you? For real is bad enough and now you're making it plural?"
Stuart looks at me like I'm insane. I can taste blood in the back of my throat from my nosebleed. He shakes his head, "For reals is legit. I for reals gots to go on my date. You promise you're cool with it?"
I shake my head, "No, but yes. Go. You need a night off and you're right, she's earned it."
He looks hesitant and then nods, "Okay. I'll make sure Michelle messages her tons."
I nod, "Don’t forget you have to change the mirror in their dorm. Michelle ruined it, apparently." I forgot to mention it to him after my girl sent me a text asking for it to be replaced. She and Michelle sounded like the best roommates ever but the mirror bothered her a lot. I wish I had a way to see into her room. I wish we were back in New Mexico. It's purely selfish but I do. The orphanage was a bad place but I liked the control I had there. I liked watching her. There she was the broken orphan; here she is beautiful. That is all, just beautiful.
He sighs, "Yeah. See ya."
I shower and change quickly, avoiding Lance's annoyance. Angelo, Stuart, and I tend to take things too far for him. Today was too far for Angelo too.
It was just right for me though. I'm relaxed in a way I haven’t been in ages, even with the date looming over my head.
I dial the phone as I leave the gym and jump in my car. She answers with attitude, "What now?"
"You put her up to this, didn’t you?"
She laughs, "Eli, you and I both know she needs to start living like a normal girl. She is a mess. A date with a boy from school is exactly what she needs. The close contact of a male could help surface memories, unpleasant ones, but at least they would come on their own. You know what happens if she keeps blocking this? We have to go to Plan B. She has her phone, you, Stuart, and Michelle to run to her aid if she needs it. You have to ease off of her. She isn’t your sister."
I hang the phone up and fight the reoccurring fantasy I have of smothering her with a pillow and putting her in her car, to make it look like she drowned.
I park across from the chicken place, Stuart said she was going to, that looks like a panic attack waiting to happen. Seeing it makes me frown as I get out of the car. She isn’t going to make it. The guy, Sebastian, is standing outside. He looks nerdy clean, like he is. We've run everything we could on him but he's perfect. He's perfect for her, perfect balance for her. I wasn’t able to find the connection between him and the good doctor, but I know she's up to something. I feel bad for the guy a little. He's never going to see the world of hurt that’s coming. When Sarah snaps and remembers the feeling of Randy and Laura, it's going to be bad.
I see texts from her and sigh. She is finally telling me about the date. I close myself off and dial. I need to be the thing she fears in case we end up having to take her in.
"Hi," she sounds nervous when she answers.
"Hi. So a boy from the gym? Alone?" I try to sound annoyed like reading the text about the date is bothering me.
"Yup."
I hate it when she says yup. "I don’t like it."
"Okay." She pauses, "Uhm. See, I already told him yes."
I want to tell her to stay home. I think I have the power over her to do it. But I don’t. I behave myself. "Did you tell him where you live or what your cell is?"
I can hear her gulping. I make her scared. I hate that but I want her to obey me; I let myself think it's all for her safety but I know it's not. Some of it is the sickness that lives inside of me.
She finally talks, "No. You told me no one could know the number. I almost didn’t even tell Shell, even when you said it was okay."
That also annoys me, "Call her Michelle, please. I don’t like Shell. It sounds infantile. Message me from the bathroom when you get there." I hang up quickly. I want to tell her I'll take her out for dinner and make her happy, and she doesn’t need to remember anything, but I know that’s a lie too. Seeing her ball up and freeze, like she's in the hole doing the drawings on the sides of the wall, is disturbing.
The fear that she will freak out doesn’t change the fact I want to tell her who I am. My self-control is getting worse, just like Jane said it would. Talking to her on the phone was probably a mistake. It all probably is. I walk over to the Chicken Shack and try to convince myself this is a mistake. Her pale skin and light hair make her look like an angel. I just have to keep telling myself she is one. Too sweet and innocent for me. She's normal, at least she will be.
The server gives me a sexy smile when I get inside of the packed Chicken Shack, "Table for one?"
I nod and try not to imagine her face down and ass up. It’s a hard habit to break. She gives me a once over, licks her lips, and brings me through the crowd to my table.
"Jack on the rocks, please."
She nods and saunters off with an overage of swagger to her walk. My eyes don’t leave the door as a thousand images make their way through my mind. Punching Sebastian in the throat and being the guy she's meeting. Grabbing her and holding her tightly to me as she walks by, and of course, punching Sebastian again when he tries to pull her back. My drink is there with a menu before she arrives. Sebastian is still outside standing there, waiting for her. He should have left already but he hasn’t. I hate that he's a nice guy.
Through the glass door, I can see his back straighten as she walks up. She looks plain, and yet, somehow amazing. She smiles at him and my stomach aches for it to be for me.
He opens the door and I see it instantly. His hands grab her behind him, pulling her into him. He can't see her seizing up. He can't see her freaking out. His touch is repelling her. It would make me happy but she's scared. I walked towards them but he stops and sees it. Before I reach them, he's dragged her out again. My hands shake as I rip my phone from my pocket.
'She left Chick Shack. Find her and make her go home. She's panicking.'
Someone bumps me, my phone goes flying. The guy turns to see who bumped him, "Watch where you're going, assho…" He doesn’t get to finish his sentence.
My knuckles burn from the bare punch. I step over the fallen guy, picking my phone up. People are looking at me like I'm crazed and Stuart has sent some shitty message, complaining about leaving his date with Michelle.
The guy who never got to finish calling me an asshole, gives me a heated look as he stands up. I turn around and lean into him, whispering, "If you would like to finish this, I'm game."
He swallows but doesn’t say anything. I nod, "I didn’t think so." I turn and leave the greasy hellhole.
I can see her up the road. She's talking. Sebastian's hand comes down and takes hers. It stops me. I don’t walk any farther, I don’t want to see anymore but I stare. He points and she nods.
He understands her lonely. The lonely that comes and freezes her, he gets it. He saw it and never ran away, like I expected him to. I wanted to be the knight in shining armor but he's taken my chance and she's brushed the incident off, instead of messaging me.
