I didn't realize I was crying until I walked into my house twenty minutes later and Dad leaped off the couch only to reappear beside me in the foyer.
"What happened?" he demanded.
"What?" I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror over the side table. My cheeks glistened. I swiped them dry with my sleeves. "The pizza made me barf, and then the bloodlust showed up. You were right. Happy?"
"Why would your unhappiness ever make me happy?" He frowned. "Come with me. It is time you learned how to feed."
"No way. I am not sucking on someone's blood like some kind of..."
He turned to face me, and my throat closed up on the word monster.
"Perhaps you would prefer to return to the party then?" he said. "I am sure your friends would be only too happy to welcome you back."
I pictured being shut up inside that tiny hunting lodge with all those hearts pulsing around me, and my mouth watered.
And then I wanted to be sick. I closed my eyes. "I don't want to be..." My mind struggled for a word that wouldn't hurt his feelings. A bloodsucker. A leech. A danger to my friends and mother and every other human around me. "I don't want to be...this!"
"We are what we are, Savannah. You cannot stop the change. You can only decide either to take control of your new life or let it control you."
Control. That was such a thing of the past right now. "I don't want to kill anyone. Or hurt them, either."
"I would never allow you to kill anyone. And I have been told that feeding actually can be quite a pleasant experience for the humans if performed correctly."
Like that made preying on humans any better? "There's got to be some other way."
Silence. Finally he sighed. "I might be able to make a call or two and come up with another solution."
"Thank you." I nearly wilted from relief at the thought that I wouldn't be forced to go find someone to bite. "Can I go to bed now?"
He nodded, and I slunk upstairs to my room.
The next morning, we received a special delivery.
The doorbell rang a little after eight, right around the time our mail usually arrived. It was probably yet another shipment of some historically accurate doorknobs or something.
"Savannah, can you get that?" Dad called out over the ear-piercing sander from one of the guest bedrooms.
I went downstairs, opened the front door and froze. The delivery guy was hot, probably early twenties, with sandy hair cut short at the back and long enough in the front to have to be brushed sideways out of his eyes. He was definitely two yums up, as Michelle would say.
Then I noticed the color of his eyes...the same white/silver as mine and Dad's and every other vampire I'd ever met. He wasn't wearing a FedEx, UPS or postal worker uniform, either.
Smiling, he held up a small cooler and said, "Did someone around here order some blood?"
Speaking of blood...mine went decidedly cold.
"Um, hang on just a second," I mumbled. My heart pounding loud enough that he had to have heard it, I kept my gaze on him and yelled, "Dad!"
Dad appeared beside me a second later then froze. Silence. Then he smiled broadly. "Gowin! You did not say you would be coming by for a visit anytime soon. To what do we owe the pleasure of hosting a council member?"
Oh, so that's why he looked familiar. He had been one of the vamps at my "test" in France last spring.
"The council heard a rumor that our Savannah here is having some trouble adjusting to the new lifestyle." Gowin smiled. "And since I hadn't seen my own protege in quite some time, and I was in the neighborhood anyway, I offered to make the first delivery myself and see how you were both doing."
It was like walking into class and hearing we were going to have a pop quiz. But worse. Way worse.
Wait. Protege? "You're...my dad's maker?"
"The proper term is sire," Dad said. "And yes, he is."
I stared at Gowin, trying to see how someone who looked so young could possibly be older than my dad.
His grin widened under my scrutiny. He sighed and gestured at Dad. "These kids. They leave home, they never call or write or visit."
A smile formed before I could stop it.
Dad hesitated only a fraction of an instant before stepping back to let Gowin enter. "It is always good to see you again. Will you come in and see my latest project?"
Was he talking about the house or me?
Dad quickly sent the floor crew home early for the day, then we vamps gathered around the kitchen table.
I couldn't stop staring at our guest. Not because he was overwhelmingly gorgeous. Only Tristan's looks could really make me breathless. But it was strange to see a vamp who appeared so young yet had to be at least as many centuries old as my dad. Gowin was the first vamp I'd met who looked anywhere close to my age.
Appearances could be deceiving, though. I tried to remember that fact as Gowin and Dad talked. Gowin was such a contrast to my dad. Unlike Dad, who always seemed a little formal and old-fashioned, Gowin was completely relaxed both in how he talked and dressed. Right now, he was wearing a T-shirt tight enough to show off his well-defined biceps and trim waist, plus faded jeans and sneakers.
He could fit right in on any college campus. And yet, while he and Dad talked about the good ole days, I had to forcibly remind myself that those good old days were probably pre-American Revolution era. Gowin was anything but the harmless college kid he acted like.
He made that hard to remember though, especially when he told jokes.
"Hey, do you know how the Roman Empire was cut in half?" Gowin asked.
Startled from my thoughts, I joined Dad in shaking my head.
"With a pair of Caesars!" Gowin answered.
Dad and I both groaned.
"Missing your toga days, old man?" Dad teased.
"Ah, now those were the days." Gowin sighed and slouched back in his chair. "Talk about the perfect man fashions to show off these legs!" He stretched one leg out in my direction. "Now I have to wait for summer swimwear. And of course do the sunless tanning thing all the time so the ladies don't laugh me out of the pool."
My jaw dropped. "You were a Roman?" That would make him a couple thousand years old.
He grinned. "You are looking at one of the youngest senators Rome ever had. I had barely turned twenty-five when I joined the Senate."
"Gowin is also the third oldest vampire still existing," Dad murmured.
"And who are the oldest two?" I asked.
"Caravass is the second oldest," Dad said. "And the oldest is Lilith."
Gowin froze, his entire demeanor completely changing in a flash. Gone was the humanlike college kid, replaced in an instant with a too-still and very alien creature. "Don't speak her name, old friend, or you may not like the consequences."
Silence filled the kitchen before Dad said, "I am sorry. I forgot your beliefs."
"They're not just my beliefs," Gowin muttered. "Those who know of her also know that to speak her name is to invite her attention. And trust me, you don't want that."
"I thought she was sleeping under a desert or something," I said, wondering if maybe I should whisper. Half vamp or not, I was getting seriously creeped out. What was it about Lilith that could possibly make even the old and powerful vampires too scared to say her name?
"She may be physically asleep, but she's still always listening," Gowin said. "Saying her name, even here, is the same as standing outside someone's bedroom door and calling out to them. We're all her children through the blood, and as such, she's connected to us at all times. She has only to choose to wake up and she can be here in an instant in any form of her choosing."
Silence in the kitchen.
Clearing his throat, Gowin glanced out the kitchen window and put on a smile. "But enough about her for now. What time does the sun set around here?"
"Around eight or nine in the summer," Dad said.
Gowin checked the black sports watch at his wrist. "Plenty of time to see the local sights before our girl here has her first feeding. The drive in was quick and I didn't see much, but it seems like you might have chosen a lovely town to settle down in." He smiled at us. "I don't suppose it would be okay for Savannah to give me a short tour? Maybe check out the downtown shopping area while we're at it? I'm on the hunt for a particular little Queen Anne side table."
At my confused look, Dad said, "Gowin is a procurer of antique furnishings for some very illustrious clients."
Gowin smiled wider, and suddenly I had the impression of the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland. Warning rippled down my spine, reminding me yet again that Gowin was not what he seemed.
Which meant his wanting me to give him a "short tour" of Jacksonville wasn't going to really be about seeing the local sights.
He was a council member. And he was obviously here to check up on me, and maybe even interrogate me, without my dad around for protection.
After an awkward silence, Dad finally said, "Sure, why not? Savannah, do you mind giving him a quick tour?"
"Uh, sure." I tightened my cheek muscles, pulling the corners of my mouth up into a semblance of a smile.
There was no point in trying to avoid this. If I didn't agree, with one command Gowin could use his advantage as an older vamp to force my dad to go away.
Might as well play along with the pretense of politeness as long as it lasted.
We all got up from the table and headed for the door.
In the foyer, I slipped my phone into my pocket, making sure Dad saw the movement.
"I trust you will drive extra careful with a council member in the passenger seat," Dad said, his smile tight.
He knew I always drove carefully. So he must really be telling me not to forget who I was with and to watch every word that I said. I nodded to show I understood, and his smile seemed slightly less forced.
Gowin laughed and opened the door. "Ah, Michael, you worry too much. Even if she does wreck us, we're immortal, so we'll recover...eventually!"
Chuckling, Gowin stepped outside and led the way to my truck. After I got in and started the engine, I glanced back at the house. Dad was still on the porch, his casual pose of leaning against the carved posts failing to hide his underlying tension.
"So where to?" I asked.
"Oh I don't know. How about the downtown shops to start?"
"Okay." We crossed the railroad tracks ten yards from my house then parked in front of the Jaycee Community Center across from the Tomato Bowl fifteen seconds later. "We're here."
Gowin snorted. "You're kidding."
"Nope. Want to get out and walk?" I didn't like being cooped up in a vehicle with him and forced to pay attention to driving. It made it harder to focus on the conversation and choosing every word I said.
He got out first, and I joined him on the sidewalk.
He pointed at the Tomato Bowl, a brownstone open-air stadium with beautiful arches at the entrance, prominently situated on top of its hill. "Why is it called the Tomato Bowl?"
His question confused me. I'd thought for sure he would immediately begin the interrogation. Maybe the stalling tactic was because we were still within hearing distance of Dad?
"Um, Jacksonville used to be the tomato capital around here." Of course I couldn't remember even half of the local history taught to us in school, but I did my best to play along with the farce of a tour, answering the questions I could and confessing the stuff I didn't know as he led the way up the street past banks and shops and under the overpass with the thunder of the passing traffic's wheels rolling overhead. We continued on to the boutiques and stores that sold local artisans' crafts. Nanna used to sell her custom crocheted names and blankets in several of them.
As we walked, the emotions I sensed from him were even more confusing. He seemed genuinely curious. I was also picking up a certain kind of warmth from him, not so much that I thought he was romantically interested in me, but more that he wanted to like me in general. It was...strange. The council had seemed so scared of me at my trial, yet here was one of them walking and chatting with me as casually as if we were long-lost cousins getting reacquainted.
We paused by one shop, and he peered in through the window. "So I'm sure you're wondering why I asked you to give me this tour."
"Um, a little," I admitted. "I figured you wanted to soften me up before the interrogation began."
He laughed and looked at me, his eyebrows raised. "Interrogate you? Not hardly. Though I will confess that, like my fellow council members, I'm quite intrigued by you. You are such a wonder among our kind. A real miracle, if you will. I do have a thousand questions I'd love to throw at you, about your life, your abilities, and what this slow evolution into our world has been like so far for you. Obviously it hasn't been easy."
I lifted one shoulder in a half shrug, not trusting myself to start speaking yet. This was going way too easy so far. It made me even more nervous. "Maybe I have a few questions for you, too."
"Things you don't feel comfortable asking your father?" he said. "Ask away. That's part of the reason the council agreed that I should come see you."
"Okay. What's it like to be turned? I mean, through the normal way?"
"Well, I guess it's a little different for each of us. But in general, the vamp drains you then gives you his or her blood, and then it's fast and terrifying and exciting all at once. One minute you're a human, the next you wake up and you don't remember anything at all. Your memory eventually comes back to you, but slowly, usually days or even weeks later, mostly because you're too busy trying to absorb all the input from your newly heightened senses in the meantime."
"So everything seems different to you then?"
"Yes. It's a very big change. For us, at least. It's like going through life half blind, and suddenly putting on the perfect pair of glasses. The world around you seems more alive, beautiful and sharp and vivid. You get used to it after a while, even start to take your new senses for granted. Some of us forget how dull the world looked through our human eyes. And then there's your new speed and strength and reflexes...now those take a while to get used to, because your body is literally able to move faster than your mind can fully process in the beginning. That's the real danger for fledglings." He said the last in a low murmur, as if confiding a secret to me.
"I guess the bloodlust doesn't help, either," I said.
Gowin nodded. Shoving his hands into the back pockets of his jeans, he continued along the sidewalk. "For a fully turned fledgling, the urge to hunt any human they can smell is nearly overpowering within a few hours of being turned. And because they can move so fast, as soon as the impulse to attack hits them, they don't have the time to think it through before their bodies act on that urge."
Wow. No wonder Dad was nearly obsessive about making me practice tai chi every morning. "I guess that's why we need to learn how to slow ourselves down then?"
"Is your father teaching you tai chi yet?"
I nodded.
He grinned. "That's the method I used on him. It works, too." He let out a long sigh. "You're incredibly lucky, you know. So is your father. You both have so much time to ease you into this, to train you properly before it becomes a real problem."
I thought of the knob I'd ripped out of the bathroom door at the spring dance, and gulped. "What happens if you wait too late to train a..."
"Fledgling," Gowin supplied.
"Right."
"Well, they usually go on a killing spree, massacring humans right and left until we manage to catch them and put them under."
Put them under?
At my confused look, he added, "Stake them."
Oh.
We turned and headed back toward my truck, walking a little faster now that he'd seen it all. "So the council sent you to...what, make sure Dad's teaching me correctly?"
He nodded. "We want to be sure he isn't getting confused by the fact that you're his biological daughter and neglecting his duty as your sire to train you properly."
"Any other reason the council sent you?"
He glanced around us as if to be sure we wouldn't be overheard. "There have been...stirrings of unrest in cities that are shared by both the Clann and vamps. The council wanted to be sure that unrest isn't spreading all the way to Clann headquarters, too."
I frowned at him. "What do you mean, unrest? I thought there was a peace treaty."
"Peace treaties are broken all the time, Savannah." He said it kindly, like a history teacher correcting his student. "The council needs to know if that is happening here."
"And how are you supposed to figure that out today?"
"Oh, I'm not going to be here for just a day. Your father needs help finding a long list of historically accurate items for his latest renovation project. Who better than me to find and deliver them in person?"
"And while you're making these deliveries, you'll be checking out the situation around here." Great. Just what we needed, council members dropping by Jacksonville on a regular basis. The Clann was going to love that. "You know if any of the Clann see you and learn you're a council member, they're going to have a hissy fit."
He grinned. "Then I guess you and your dad better not tell them who I am, huh?"
I scowled. "Trust me, telling them would only make my life around here way harder."
"Oh yeah? So I take it they're still none too pleased about your dating Tristan?"
"Yeah, they really loved that. Not that they liked me all that much before."
"And now that you two are broken up?"
I shrugged. "They're leaving me alone, at least."
"But they were bothering you before." He made it a statement not a question.
Uh-oh. I might have already said too much. "Not all of them, and nothing too serious. Mainly just calling me names."
Gowin hummed. "Sounds like the Clann could definitely use some supervision around here. Though I'll admit I'm a little surprised. Seems like they would be working harder to get you to side with them against us."
"They kicked my family out of the Clann before I was even born. I doubt they're all that interested in having me join their ranks now." We reached my truck, and I yanked open the driver's side door.
"Maybe." He opened the passenger's side door and got in. "But all the same, the council thinks they need to be watched a little more closely. Your father's not delivering the intel we need."
I froze in the act of inserting the key into the ignition. "You're saying the reason we're here is so he can spy on the Clann for you?"
He shrugged. "Spying. Checking in on them. You say tomato, I say tomahto. Whatever you want to call it, it's past time the council started keeping a better eye on things."
Scowling, I started the truck. "Well, I guess you and Dad have to do whatever you've got to do to keep the council happy. But I'd appreciate it if you could leave me out of it, all right? I kept my promise to the council. I broke up with Tristan. And that's the last of my involvement with the Clann from now on. All this political stuff is just messing with trouble."
Gowin stretched out in his seat as much as his long legs would allow. "Politics is the vampire's way of life. We've been at war with the Clann for centuries. It's only a matter of time before the current era of peace ends. Of course, with a super vamp like you on our side, perhaps the next go-round won't last so long."
"I never said I was on anyone's side."
"So you would remain neutral?" he continued. "Even though your vamp side is growing stronger by the day?"
"I don't see why there has to be any fighting in the first place. Both vamps and witches have to hide what they are from the world. Seems like that would give you a good reason to work together instead of against each other."
Gowin chuckled. "That is a unique point of view. Not sure anyone shares it, though, on either side. Ever heard that song 'Everybody Wants to Rule the World'?"
I clamped my lips shut. The less I said about the Clann around this council member, the better.
It only took half a minute to drive back across the railroad tracks and park in the driveway. But Gowin didn't seem ready to get out. Maybe the heated cab of the truck felt like a relief to his cold blood, too.
"How exactly did you get to be on the council?" Belatedly I realized how rude that was. "Sorry. I mean-"
He waved off the apology. "When a seat becomes available, the current council members tend to choose those they know and trust to fill it. Usually older vamps they personally sired."
"You said Lil-I mean, she who must not be named-was the oldest, and Caravass was the second oldest. What about all the other vamps she sired?"
Gowin's smile faded fast. "God killed them."
"Are you kidding?"
"Nope. It's believed that she was Adam's first wife, and when she got sick of his attitude, she ran off and started hanging out with demons instead. The story has it that she then became something of a demoness herself, or the very first vampire. I guess God could have handled that, until she decided to give in to that mothering urge and started making more like herself. That's when God put the proverbial hand down and began killing off one hundred of her children, or fledglings, a day. Of course, he probably had to just to keep the vamps from wiping out the entire human population back then. Rumor has it she went on kind of a tear and was turning out the vamps faster than the humans could procreate."
"So he killed all of them but Caravass?"
"Well, not completely. A good number of them got caught by human vigilantes over the years. That whole Spanish Inquisition took out hundreds all on its own, and the witch trials didn't help much, either."
I frowned. "Why didn't they just fight back and escape?"
"Between you and me, I think the old ones got tired of living and let themselves be taken. Maybe they were worried about their souls if they did themselves in, so they let the humans take their lives for them. Depression is a problem once you get older. At least, it was. Now that technology is advancing so rapidly, life has kind of gotten interesting again."
After a few seconds of silence, I was about to reach for my door handle when he said, "You know, I really am sorry you and the Coleman boy were forced apart. Not everyone on the council felt that was necessary. But we were overruled."
I froze. "Overruled?"
"By Caravass. The vote was divided, and in those rare cases the council leader can break the tie if he chooses."
So one vote had tipped it all the wrong way.
My throat tightened hard enough to choke me. I had to clear it before I could reply. "Well, it was probably the right vote anyways. I am a danger to him. If I'd remembered the whole draining through a kiss thing, I never would have dated him in the first place. Besides, you guys weren't the only ones who made me promise to break up with him. So even if y'all had voted differently, the breakup was still inevitable."
Propping an elbow on the edge of the door, Gowin rubbed a hand over his chin. "Yeah, your dad told me what the Clann did to your grandma in the woods. It's a sad part of any war. Innocents always get hurt in the process, no matter how hard everyone tries to protect them. But that doesn't make it any easier on the ones who face that loss." He rested a hand on mine on the seat between us, and our skin was the same temperature. It threw me off balance again. "I'm sorry about your grandmother. I heard she was a great woman."
I stared ahead at the windshield, now covered in drops of pinesap and dead bugs. "Thanks." It came out hoarse. I cleared my throat and had to blink fast a couple of times as my eyes began to sting.
"Your dad was impressed with her magical skills. Apparently she was the only witch to ever come up with a spell that could dampen the bloodlust without hurting or weakening us, even around the Clann."
"It was how my mom and dad could stay together for so long."
I glanced at him. He stared at me, going completely still like my dad did sometimes.
A quiet note of warning sounded somewhere in the back of my mind. "Too bad she didn't write the spell down anywhere or teach me or my mom how to do it."
"She didn't teach your mother, either?"
"No. Nanna said she had to turn to the old ways and they required too much sacrifice to make them safe for anyone else to use. Plus, Mom never wanted to be in the Clann, so she refused to develop her magical abilities. She used to throw plates around without touching them when she was mad, but that's about it. And I don't think she can even do that anymore."
He grinned. "She threw plates at your father with her mind?"
"So they say."
"Ah. So that's why she's not around now."
My mouth twitched with the quick urge to smile. "No, that's not it at all. We just didn't want to risk feeling the bloodlust around her now that Nanna's protective magic has died with her. It's safer for Mom to stay away."
Finally Gowin opened his door. We both got out and slowly headed up the lawn toward the house.
"I imagine losing your grandma, mother and true love all at once must be a terrible burden for you."
I stared straight ahead. "Or maybe it's just karma for breaking the rules."
"I don't believe in karma," he said as he stepped up onto the porch. "Only the destinies we create for ourselves. And I definitely do not believe that you deserve to have to endure so much pain at so young an age."
If he was trying to be sympathetic, he needed to stop, because his words were like physical slaps to my body. Every word left its own bruise.
"Karma, accident, whatever it was, you can tell the council that it's all been a lesson very well learned here."
He shot me one last look I couldn't decode, then we entered the house.
It turned out that the actual feeding itself wasn't too bad. Dad mixed the donor blood Gowin had brought with a bottle of V8 juice, which I chugged down so I wouldn't be able to detect the taste of the blood.
Then there was this flash before my eyes, and I stumbled. What the heck?
"Dad, I'm...seeing things," I muttered.
"Michael, you didn't warn her about the blood memories?" Gowin made a tsking sound.
"I did not expect her to guzzle down the drink so quickly. I thought I would explain as she fed slowly in a more mannerly fashion."
"Forget the lesson on manners. Someone tell me what's going on!" It was like someone had stuck some kind of movie headset over my eyes with wraparound vision...there was a scene playing out everywhere I looked with people I didn't recognize, calling me by somebody else's name, somewhere I'd never been. And yet in the background I could still hear Dad and Gowin's voices.
"The blood contains traces of its owner's memories," Dad said as someone took my elbow and guided me somewhere. "I am leading you to your room now. Take a step. And another. And another."
We made it up the stairs and to my room, where I fell onto my bed. Dad draped a comforter over me.
"How long will it last?" I said, even as the scene changed before my eyes to a birthday party and the sounds grew louder.
"A few hours. I am sorry I did not have time to explain more fully. Rest now, and try not to fight against the blood memories. They will pass in time."
"I have Charmers practice in the morning," I mumbled. "Seven o'clock."
There was a beeping noise to my left. "Your alarm is set. The blood memories should be gone by then. However, I will also check on you and make sure you wake in time just in case."
In case what? I never regained control over my own mind?
That was the last thought of my own that I had. And then I was lost to the real world, drowning in someone else's life.
