He stood, the movement smooth, dangerous. "You don't understand what you're asking." Steely Psy focus, but she was certain she saw the gold flecks in his eyes spark.
Excitement licked along her skin. "I know there are pain controls in the conditioning," she began. "I called Faith today - "
"You think I'm scared of a little pain?" His voice had dropped a decibel, gone eerily darker. "You think I wouldn't risk my life to break the chains on my mind?"
She'd never seen him like this, his icy control morphing into what her animal senses told her was the most finely honed rage, so pure it dyed the air crimson. "Then what?" she dared to ask, walking until she stood only a few small footsteps away. "What has such a hold over you that you're willing to walk away from us?" From something more powerful and more real than anything she'd ever before felt
"I'm not anything like Faith," he said, a wall of stone in front of her. "My ability is nothing good." He thrust his hand into her hair with not the slightest warning, tugging back her head and exposing her throat. "My subdesignation doesn't exist on any chart but the one kept by the Arrow Squad."
Fear coated her tongue as she realized she had somehow succeeded in shattering a crucial part of his defensive shields - the question was, could she handle what she'd unleashed? "Tell me, Judd. I need to know." Because he was hers. Even here and now, her body hungered for him, his very darkness an aphrodisiac - because she was convinced he'd never harm her. Then he spoke and shattered every one of her cozy preconceptions.
"I could kill you during sex," he said, letting her straighten her head but not releasing her. "Stop your heartbeat, crush your windpipe, cut off the blood flow to your brain." The cold words hit her like gunshots at close range. "If not that, then perhaps I'd crack open your skull or your chest cavity. There are so many ways to kill with even a stray thought - of course it'd be less refined than when I've planned it out, but the end result would be the same. You in a body bag."
Everything chilled inside her. At that moment, she was almost ready to run. This man wasn't the Judd she knew. This man terrified her. "You can't manipulate changeling minds that way," she whispered, desperate to find a way out.
"You're not listening." His lips brushed her ear, but it was nothing erotic. "I don't have to influence your mind to kill. No telekinetic does. And I'm a very, very specialized Tk, subdesignation Cell. I can influence the physical structures of human, Psy, and changeling bodies," he said in her ear, the frost of death in his tone. "My control is fine enough that I can rearrange skin cells if I want to. You could say I'm the scalpel to Enrique's blunt object."
She would not cry - he had used the word scalpel on purpose. That had been Enrique's favorite weapon, the one he'd used to carve up his victims. The thought of Enrique nudged at a deeply hidden piece of knowledge in her brain, but she was concentrating too hard on Judd to pay attention.
"It's why you don't have scars," she blurted out, searching for something with which to ground herself. All soldiers had scars. But from the glimpses she'd had of Judd's body, she'd seen not the smallest mark, not counting the new injuries he'd suffered the previous night.
He drew back, his eyes going to her lower lip, which she'd caught between her teeth. It felt like he'd touched her...stroked her. Suddenly the fear transformed - into a passion that was so strong, it made her tremble. "The scars," she prompted, breathless.
"Getting rid of them was a training exercise to help foster control." His tone hadn't warmed up, but there was an inferno in his eyes. "Over time, my body seemed to learn the trick and now they disappear without conscious effort on my part." Releasing her as precipitously as he'd grabbed her, he put several feet of distance between them.
She had so many questions buzzing around in her head but only one was important. "There has to be a way out." She wasn't going to lose him, her recent shock of terror be damned. "Stop trying to scare me and tell me how we get past this."
The gold flecks disappeared from Judd's eyes, the irises going pure black and merging into the pupils. She sucked in a breath but held her ground.
"When I was ten and not yet fully conditioned," he told her, "I had a spike of temper. It was directed at a boy who had taken the ball I was using to practice my Tk skills. He was dead before he hit the ground. The autopsy found that his brain had exploded from the inside out. His name was Paul, his ability was Medical, and he was eight years old."
"Oh, God, Judd." She went to embrace him, but he held up a hand to stop her.
"Your proximity tests my control and right now, it wouldn't take much to push me over the edge. One mistake and they'll be burying you tomorrow." A stark warning.
She could feel the unacknowledged pain in him as if it was her own. "You were a child, with a child's lack of control."
"And now I'm an adult with total control, but Silence is at the core of that control." The pure black of his eyes met hers, wouldn't let her look away. "I will never choose to fully breach it."
"I won't accept that." The trapped wolf in her bared its teeth at the very idea. "What did your subdesignation do before Silence?" Hope took root in her heart.
"They were either hermits, in jail, or dead." His blunt statement held the destructive force of hard truth, stifling all hope. "I've done my homework, Brenna." A cold Psy reprimand but those eyes...they spoke of passion and need. "Those who realized what they were early enough separated themselves from society and spent their lives ensuring they never came into contact with other sentient beings."
The inhuman loneliness of such a life shook her.
"The ones who weren't so lucky ended up killing by accident. However, because the nature of their abilities meant that all such killings took place during childhood, Tk-Cells weren't incarcerated but given training and a second chance." His eyes went even more black, something she wouldn't have believed possible a second ago.
"Some chose the hermit's way," he continued. "The remainder tried to lead normal lives but inevitably ended up taking another life in a flash of thoughtless rage - wife, neighbor, child. At which point, most of them chose to stop their own hearts. Those who didn't were locked into isolation cells for the rest of their natural lives, their minds chained so even the PsyNet was closed to them."
Brenna understood responsibility and punishment, but what Judd was describing was a kind of vicious cruelty. "How could they do that to - "
"We felt then, Brenna. The Psy felt everything. The imprisoned Tk-Cells wanted to suffer, wanted to spend eternity reliving the nightmare of killing what they most loved." Moving closer, he continued his relentless barrage. "There have never been very many of us - the scientists' favorite theory is that we occur by spontaneous mutation. That's the only explanation for our continued existence, given the fact that our genes are rarely passed on, especially under Silence. We don't make reproduction agreements. We don't father children. We don't mate."
She felt as if he'd slapped her. But instead of pain, her dominant emotion was anger. "So you're going to let fear drive you? You're choosing the isolation of Silence as your own personal cage! How can you do that to us?"
Those unearthly eyes were so close, she could see the reflection of her own furious expression in their depths. "I'd rather watch you take a lover than die at my hands."
She knew how much those words must've tortured him. Even now, the air was staining bloodred with anger. "And would you let that man live?" she whispered.
No response. That gave her hope even when hope seemed impossible. "Then we fight, Judd." She dared to place her hand gently on his chest. He flinched but didn't move away. "We fight until every avenue is closed and then we dig under the roadblocks. Because I am not walking away from us." Strong words, but she was shaking. He could destroy her with a few careless comments.
"You're the strongest, most determined woman I know." He played his fingers along the strands of her hair. "You'd make mincemeat out of a lesser man. It's a good thing you belong to me."
Relief almost collapsed her knees. "Not funny."
"I'm serious." Something very male moved over his face. "If you say yes now, I won't let you go if you decide I'm not what you want later on down the road. You say yes, you say yes forever. Be sure."
For a single taut second, she was afraid of the possession in that voice, the implacability in his eyes. Judd was no tame wolf who would do whatever she wanted. He was complicated and dominant and more than a little bad.
And he was hers, no matter that the mating bond didn't exist between them. She didn't need that validation. Not with her dark angel. "If I ever want freedom, I'll get it." Men like Judd needed to know their women had claws.
"Is that a threat?" Cool Psy arrogance as he drew close enough that her breasts brushed against him with each indrawn breath. His eyes faded back to normal.
She wanted to moan, having been deprived of his touch for too long. "How's your control?"
"Not good enough." The words were pure ice.
Most people would've read that as rejection, but Brenna knew it was a sign of exactly how much he felt for her. Heart in her throat, she pushed up his shirt to bare the ridged lines of an abdomen that made her mouth water. "I want to check your wounds."
"They're fine - I can move things inside my own body, shift blood, fix damage." But he unbuttoned the shirt and let it drop to the floor. The bandages joined it a second later.
Easy, so easy. Because he wanted this, too.
"You're healed." With her eyes, she traced every muscular line, every inch of golden male skin. "Beautiful." It came out on a heated breath.
