Now Nicky fidgeted on the sofa in front of him, and Marco thought with despair that Nicky had never looked more beautiful, more desirable.
“So,” Nicky said quietly. “What happens now?”
“I already have your room set up and waiting for you, next door to Evan and Brett. I thought you might want to be close to some of your friends. We can have the dissolution ceremony tonight, if you want, to go ahead and get it over with. And that will be it. You’ll be free to live with us for as long as you want—you’re still a part of our pack, hon—uh-Nicky, and I’ll take care of you always.”
“Even after you find a new mate? Your mate might not like that so much.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Marco said, shaking his head. “I won’t abandon you.” Nicky looked up at him with pain and hatred in his blue eyes. Damn, why did this have to hurt so much? Not just Nicky, but Marco too. He felt as if a giant hand was clenching his guts.
“I did try, Marco. I really did.”
“I know, baby. I know you did. I know things were making you miserable. I think it would have made you despise me in the end if you had stayed with me, and I didn’t want that. I’d never want that. I do want you to be happy, though I guess that’s hard for you to believe right now.”
Nicky stood up, keeping his gaze averted, not looking directly at Marco. He walked toward the door. “This thing tonight—it’s private, isn’t it? I don’t want a crowd of people.”
“It’s private. Just the two of us and Ian as witness.” Dissolutions were uncommon enough that Marco and Ian had to look back through the old books to see exactly how to do it. Wolves mated for life, and dissolving a union like this hadn’t been done in recent memory. The idea of it had made the whole pack uneasy and unhappy. Marco wondered, not for the first time, if there were any way just to take the whole thing back and make it go away. The pain he was causing Nicky was killing him, and the only way he was going to be able to go through with this was by clinging to the idea that Nicky would ultimately be happier without him.
Nicky nodded and turned away. He put his hand on the knob and turned his head just slightly to speak over his shoulder, not meeting Marco’s eyes. “I-I don’t know if I can stay here, Marco. I may have to go away.”
“No!”
Nicky turned all the way around looking surprised at the vehemence in Marco’s tone.
“I-uh-I mean, no. You need to stay with the pack. We’re your family now, and besides, you have to feed from a wolf. If you can’t take the blood from me, then Ian or Rory will be glad to help you. You don’t need to leave, Nicky. No, you can’t leave. ” Marco was surprised how the thought of Nicky’s absence from the pack made him feel. It was excruciating and almost made him sick. He thought it must be guilt he was feeling and pushed it firmly down inside him. It was a weakness he could overcome. He had to.
Nicky shook his head sadly. “We’ll see. I just don’t know right now. I-I need to go downstairs. I’ll see you tonight. He cast his eyes around the room one last time and then turned away, dropping his gaze. The door shut quietly behind him, leaving the room emptier than Marco could have imagined.
Marco worked at the construction site all afternoon, trying to wear himself out, trying to forget the look in Nicky’s eyes when he left the room that morning. Finally, late that afternoon, he followed the others when they left for the day, dreading the moment when he opened the door to his apartment and found it empty. He knew he was being foolish. He’d agreed this was for the best, and he couldn’t imagine why the idea of losing Nicky as his mate was causing him so much pain. There was no way he could have fallen in love with Nicky in the few short weeks since he’d come home from the hospital. That sort of thing only happened with a blood match.
He just had deep regrets about hurting the boy, that was all. He’d made a mess of things with Nicky, and he owed the boy a chance to find some happiness. He went into his rooms to take a shower. He dreaded the dissolution ceremony later on, even though he’d cautioned Ian to make it as short as possible. The ceremony had been scheduled for six-thirty, so he wandered downstairs to grab a quick bite to eat before it began, even though his stomach was churning, and he had little appetite.
As soon as he entered the dining area, he saw Nicky, sitting with Evan and his mate, Brett. Logan was standing beside him too, speaking to him quite seriously about something. Nicky kept shaking his head, but looked up sharply when he noticed Marco come in. His pretty cheeks flushed, and he looked down at his plate. Marco turned away, not wanting to stare at him and make him uncomfortable. He felt sick, but he forced himself to fill a plate at the buffet table and walk over to a table occupied by Casey and Rory.
Rory looked at him with his lips tight and angry, but Casey nodded and smiled at him, making him welcome. There was a tense silence at the table, though, and finally he set down his fork. “Did you have something to say to me, Rory?” He knew his nephew was upset with him about Nicky. They’d been close friends and even partners in crime from the time Nicky had first come to the lodge.
“Just that you’re making a huge mistake, Marco.”
“Rory,” Casey said in a warning tone. “Show respect to your alpha.”
“I’m sorry, Marco, but I don’t understand. No one does, and you need to know that. Nicky’s
not a bad person. He’s just—Nicky! He’s funny and sweet and brave and everybody likes him. No one understands why you’re treating him like this.” Marco shook his head. “I like him too, Rory.” Marco sighed heavily and glanced over at Nicky again. He wasn’t eating anything—his plate was still full and he was moving things around on it like he always did when he was pretending to eat. His wolf leaped inside him at the thought that Nicky would make himself sick. He wanted to go over and make him eat, but that was the problem. Nicky didn’t want his orders—he had no need for Marco’s control, and he’d made that abundantly clear.
“Nicky’s too independent, too outrageous, too—everything—for this lifestyle. Apparently, I was so lost in the blood match I didn’t give that enough consideration. I know you told me he was dying from being attacked in a mugging when he first came here, but I shouldn’t have mated with him until he came out of heat. I should have spoken with him when he had a clear head and could make a decision without the blood messing with his mind. I wonder if he was ever really happy.”
Rory snorted. “Of course he was! Everyone knew he was! Sure, Nicky’s a little wild and rebellious, but one thing was always clear to everybody, and that was how much he loved you. And how much you loved him too! I know he doesn’t like to take orders—I don’t always like it myself,” he glanced over at Casey. “But I love Casey more than I hate taking the orders. Casey’s an alpha too, so I know how hard it can be. But if you compromised, gave in to him just a little— the way you used to before you got sick. Of course, you loved him then, and I guess you don’t love him anymore.”
Marco could feel the heat rise up in his face. “The blood match is gone.” “Yes, I know, but do you love him? Ian and Logan don’t have a blood match and they’re perfectly happy. It can be done.”
Marco stood up without answering and walked away from the table. He didn’t want to listen to any more of this. He couldn’t.
Walking purposefully over to Nicky’s table, he stopped beside Logan, who inched subtly away from him and stood beside Nicky. No doubt about where Logan’s allegiance lay, but Marco was glad Nicky had such a loyal friend. He focused on Nicky, though, and spoke softly to him. “Nicky? Are you ready to go upstairs to the office?”
Nicky nodded and stood up, stumbling a little so that Logan steadied him. He seemed to take a deep breath. “I’m ready,” he said.
Marco waited for him to proceed, but when he just stood there, he walked ahead, glancing over his shoulder to make sure he followed. They walked up the stairs with Logan following again. Marco glanced at him, but got a steely look of determination in reply. He didn’t care if Logan watched this train wreck. He only wanted to make sure Nicky was okay with it, but Nicky seemed to be almost in a daze, not even watching where he was going.
Marco led the way into his council room where Ian was already waiting. He had the paperwork set out for both of them to sign. At Marco’s nod, he asked quietly, “Nicky, is it your desire to permanently dissolve your mating with Marco?”
Nicky nodded, not looking up at either of them. Ian held out the pen for Nicky to sign at the bottom of the paperwork, and he did so with a trembling hand.
Marco’s hand was none too steady either as Ian asked him the same question and then handed him the pen. Before another word could be said, Nicky quickly turned and hurried from the room. Logan shot Marco one more poisonous look and followed him. It was quiet in the room after the two young men left, and Marco sank into a chair and put his head in his hands.
Ian grasped his shoulder. “Are you all right, Marco? Should I call him back?”
“No,” he said with a shake of his head. “It’s done, and it was hard enough to do it without talking about it over and over. I feel awful, Ian. What if I’m making a terrible mistake?”
“I think you are.”
Marco raised his head in surprise at the blunt words of his beta. “What? But the blood match is gone, Ian, and I don’t think Nicky was ever all that happy as an alpha’s pet. He struggled so against it, and now he’s free to make a different life for himself.”
“By doing what? He’s in the pack for life, and that won’t change. I suppose he could take another mate. Certainly there will be many, both male and female, who will want him. How will that feel, Marco, to watch him with someone else? Knowing what some other wolf is doing to him when he gets him behind closed doors?”
“Shut up, Ian!”
“All right. I’m sure you thought all this through, but I know I could never stand by while some other wolf pawed all over Logan. My God, it would drive me crazy.”
