I could, too. Happily, even. That’s something we have in common, Jax.
“People have,” she murmured. “People do.”
The silent accord between us felt perfect; I ached with the beauty of flying. And I thought the Rodeisian female felt it, too— that quiet shiver of light refracted from the sensor screens, interpreted by my nervous system as pure pleasure. I’d never known anything like it. The ship felt natural in my hands, an appendage I should have been born with.
“Ready for jump?” I asked eventually.
Her reply sounded suggestive, somehow. “Since the moment you came aboard.”
[Narration pauses, time lapse of six hours and twelve minutes]
When we jacked in, the wetware amplified my power, laying the navigator open. I could sift through her memories as if they were jewels in a treasure box. She knew—and she didn’t seem to mind. More startling, the female wanted me. She liked my anger and brutality, the scent of blood that lingered about me.
Well, if she wanted rage and savagery, she came to the right man. That much, I could offer. It was, in fact, all I had left. That was the first time I became part of a woman, Jax. There in the cockpit, and I think it prepared me for you.
The ship shivered as the phase drive hummed. I knew how it worked, opening a small wormhole through which we would access grimspace. I’d seen the charts and numbers. And even so, I wasn’t remotely prepared for that first jump.
I flew with her, became part of her. But our link exposed me, too, showing more than I ever wanted anyone to see. I sensed no judgment in her, but it was enough that she’d seen the darkness roiling. Nausea rose in my throat even as my hands responded to her silent directives.
“Here,” she said. “Jump here.”
And I had to trust her. I hit the panel, signaling the ship we were ready to return to straight space. Shaky and queasy from the aftereffects, it took me three tries to unplug. By that time, the Rodeisian was already out of her seat.
I glanced at the star charts, trying to place where we’d come out. Jumps had to take place well away from planetary pull, so sometimes it was a matter of hours before reaching the final destination. But what I saw on the screen didn’t match.
“This isn’t the way to Gehenna.”
“It isn’t,” she agreed. Her huge fist slammed into my temple before I could brace for impact.
The lights went out.
[Narration pauses, time lapse of five hours and twenty-nine minutes]
Distant voices reached me before my brain came fully back online. My head throbbed with a low, dull pain, reminding me of the score I had to settle. Right then, I made up my mind—I’d kill that treacherous jumper if it was the last thing I did.
I should have known her sexual impulses didn’t necessarily predicate her true thoughts. Should have realized she had been too helpful, agreed too easily. Desperation made me stupid, careless, and now I’d pay the price. If they knew how much people on Nicuan would pay to get me just like this . . . Mary, it didn’t bear thinking about.
I always thought I would die on my feet. I lay with my eyes closed, trying to make sense of what I was hearing, but my heart thudded in my ears, making that difficult.
Two females, nearby. I couldn’t pick anything up from them, so either they’d sedated me, or a Rodeisian fist worked wonders at shutting down my ability.
“What in Mary’s name have you done, Tanze?” A woman with a low, rasping voice sounded exasperated. “I wanted Hon, along with his ship. Half those diggers he delivered for the mine don’t work!”
I opened my eyes a slit, risking a look to assess how much trouble I was in. They’d bound my hands and feet, with a filament that would slice my skin if I struggled. They weren’t screwing around, then.
Two females, one human, and one Rodeisian, the same one who tricked me, then knocked me out. Rage almost overwhelmed me, but it wouldn’t do any good to struggle when they had me tied. No, I had to figure out what was going on here—and what they intended to do with me. Maybe I could play along, offer whatever they wanted. They probably wouldn’t be fool enough to trust me, though.
Tanze didn’t appear overly concerned. “Plans change. This guy came on board instead of Hon, and I figured you’d take what you could get. We can keep the ship in recompense for the busted units. You don’t need trouble with offworlders, Mair. Bringing Hon to Lachion would complicate the whole plan.”
What plan? Where was Lachion anyway? I fumbled through my galactic geography and came up blank. It couldn’t be an important tier world; I’d killed on most of those. That would limit my escape options.
But Mair must be the old woman. I stole another glance. She was small, but wiry, still strong-looking despite her age. I didn’t make the mistake of counting her out. Her white hair stood up around her face like a cloudy nimbus, as if she hadn’t combed it in weeks, and she’d caked altogether too many cosmetics on her wrinkled face.
“That’s true enough,” she agreed with a sigh.
“And this one needs you,” Tanze went on. “He’ll die if you don’t help him. I don’t know how he’s made it this long without going mad or being scooped up by the Corp, but he’s on the brink, now.”
Every muscle stiffened. What the frag’s the Rodeisian on about? Does she know? How could she? Being discovered was my worst nightmare, and here I lay tied, listening to it happen. It was bad enough when I thought they just might sell me back to the Nicuan nobles, but if Farwan found out that I made it through adolescence without being chipped, it would be exponentially worse. I knew all about what they did to people who violated their rules. After all, they did it to my father first, leaving me with a stepmother who hated me, and a half sister who needed me to provide for her.
Crazed with the voices in my head, I started fighting in the streets, and unscrupulous people noticed my way with knives. They hired me to do what they didn’t want to, Jax. Quiet jobs, dirty ones. I didn’t care as long as it paid. And that’s how I got started as a merc.
I didn’t know then if it’d ever see Svet again. I feared most that she’d think I had run off without a word, like I promised I would never do, no matter how many times I shipped out. When she was a kid, I did it time and again, joining whatever private war paid best to keep her in school. And now I wonder if you’re suffering that same fear—that I think you chose to go wherever you are. This is my answer: I know you couldn’t help it, and I’m trying my damnedest to bring you home, love.
Anyway, about Svet . . . I’d taken to buying her a little gift from wherever I traveled, something she could look forward to, and hold in her hands when I went away again. She liked shiny things, rings and necklaces that sparkled, no matter how cheap. If I hadn’t long ago lost the ability to weep, I would have. But I had no tears then. I hadn’t met an angry, gray-eyed woman yet who could save my soul.
“Brain scrambled, is he?” Somehow, the hag made the cold words seem almost kind.
“Not quite.” I heard a shrug in Tanze’s voice. “I’m not even sure he’s salvageable. But you might have a go before we put him down.”
They would, too. And maybe they’d be right. A hard shudder rolled through me. It was no use pretending I wasn’t awake, listening. The old woman knelt beside me, peering into my face. I couldn’t move.
“What do you say?” she asked, running her fingernail down my jaw. “Shall we try to make something out of you, you pretty, doomed thing?”
I’d never been called pretty before. Somehow, that only added to my silent horror. I knew I wasn’t. Even then, I had a strong, ugly face, and a strong, scarred body.
Finally, I managed to rasp out a question. “What are you going to do with me?”
“I’m going to break you into tiny pieces,” the old woman said with an awful smile. “And then put you back together again.”
When her mind touched mine, I screamed.
You know the rest. How she saved me and taught me to block. How she awoke my conscience and turned me into something more than a monster. But Mair’s the reason I won’t give up on you now, the reason I can love you so fiercely that it has no end and no limits.
We’ll keep looking. And I’ll play this for you when I find you, as proof that I always knew you were coming back to me.
[message ends]
CHAPTER 28
The distance is deceptive. Eventually I stop running because I’ve covered only half the measure to the ruins, and a stitch crimps my side. I’m stronger, but I haven’t had the freedom to run in longer than I can recall. Vel doesn’t chide me, though he has to know I was foolish and impetuous. He merely matches his pace to mine, and we continue on while I hold my side.
It’s not just the cramp. The bite hurts as well, and I shouldn’t have exacerbated it, but Mary, the idea that we might finally make some progress? Irresistible.
“When do you plan on telling me the truth?” he asks quietly.
Shit.
“About what?”
“Your injury.”
Busted.
“I didn’t want you to worry.”
“I have heightened olfactory sense, Sirantha. You smell worse than usual, quite apart from our hygienic challenges.”
Trust Vel to cut to the heart of it like that. “Sorry. But I don’t think there’s anything you can do.”
“You are correct, sadly. But I should examine you nonetheless and sterilize the site, if nothing more.”
I’m so dirty that when he peels away the Nu-Skin, it leaves a clean spot, but the wound itself is hideous. Worse than it was when I peeked at it . . . shit, I’ve lost track of time. It’s been two weeks since we arrived. I think. The gray webs all the way to my ribs, nearly to my breast, and it feels hot, sore, when he brushes a claw against it.
Wordlessly, he tends to the problem as best he can, spraying with antibacterial, then he applies fresh Nu-Skin, which is supposed to promote healing. Something in the creature’s saliva is prohibiting that bond, however, and not allowing my flesh to heal.
“Let’s go.” I set out without further discussion of my infirmities.
The remnants of these structures defy my sense of reality in the same way the underground gate did. Some of the towers have fallen, but others remain in impossible spirals, as though the ancients understood secret laws of physics. Unquestionably, these buildings came from an advanced culture. Even now, they gleam, the metal alloy shining silver, untarnished after all these turns.
There is no sound save the wind whistling through the broken spaces, no movement except our own. We’ve found another dead, lost place, but maybe there’s some technology that can help us here, provided Vel can figure it out. And my credits say he can.
“Are you taking footage?” This is another occasion that ought to be logged for posterity.
“Of course.”
We enter the ruined city cautiously, keeping an eye out for monsters like the ones from the jungles, but this place is abandoned. Or so we think, until we pass between two fallen buildings, and hear a rumble ahead.
“It sounds big.”
