I found the breathlessness in his voice endearing. It made me feel wanted, desired – something I didn’t remember him ever making me feel before. My hands were still clasping his neck. I leaned my forehead against one of his broad shoulders. Both his hands were on my waist, his thumbs softly brushing over my flat stomach.
“Rose Red?”
“You know… from the fairy tale…” He took a step away from me, one eye winking at me as he made the character reference “Snow White’s sister?”
“Yeah… I know who Rose Red is. How am I Rose Red?”
“Well, isn’t she just like Snow White only with red hair?” He showed me a toothy grin. He took my hand and began caressing my arm with his fingers. “Skin as white as snow…” He then shifted his focus back to my lips, where he planted one soft kiss, smiling while his lips were still pressed against mine. “Lips blood red…”
I never really saw this side of him before. It was a strange sensation having my knees buckle beneath me that way.
“I’m not that white. My lips aren’t that red.”
His strong hands supported my weight. “Sofia, you’re as fair as fair gets, and you should really see your lips after you’ve just been kissed.” He was looking at my mouth as if it were the tastiest treat he’d ever had the pleasure of having.
I couldn’t help but smile. No wonder girls swoon…
“Ben and Sofia sitting in a tree…”
It was almost funny the way Ben’s eyes widened the moment he heard Abby’s high-pitched sing-song voice. Both our gazes quickly shifted toward the door where the five-year-old was standing.
Mischief was written all over her small face as a smug smile lifted the corners of her lips. She was still wearing the denim skirt and pink button-down blouse she went to school in. Her right hand was planted firmly on her hip, while her left arm hung limply on her side, one arm of Colin, her stuffed elephant, clutched in her hand. Her blonde curls swayed from left to right, moving along with her head, which was bobbing from one side to the other as she finished her song: “…K-I-S-S-I-N-G.”
“You runt…” Ben glared at her. “What are you doing here?”
“Oversized meanie…” Abby stuck a tongue out at her older brother. “I came to see Sofia just like I always do when I get back from school,” she responded with all the dignity a girl her age could muster. “What are you doing here, Ben?” Her scowl disappeared and her face fell when she got a better look of his face. Whatever mischief she was about to cause was replaced by horror at what she saw. It looked like she was close to sobbing. “What happened to you, Ben? Why do you keep getting beat up?”
“Hey… Come on…” The expression on his face quickly softened, shifting from annoyance to guilt to concern. “Don’t cry, Abby. It’s nothing. A bunch of guys in school were just saying mean things about me and Sofia, so I had to beat them up…” He picked her up in his arms and began cradling her against him.
“But it looks like they’re the ones who beat you up, Ben.”
“Well, that’s only because you haven’t seen them yet, you midget.”
These were the type of moments that reminded me why Ben was such a catch. I was so moved by how gentle and sweet he was to Abby when he took the effort to pay attention to his little sister, that it took several minutes before questions began to flood my mind: What were the guys saying about Ben and me? Was that what Connor was talking about in his text message? Did Ben put him up to it? I then noticed how Abby was pushing against the gash on Ben’s side. How could Ben not feel pain over that?
Ben planted Abby back on the ground.
She looked up at him, her curls falling to her back. “Just stop getting beat up, okay, big oaf? It makes mommy cry…”
At that, Ben and I exchanged glances. I could see the guilt in his eyes, even past the amused tone he took on when he poked Abby on the head with his knuckles. “Sure, dwarfette.”
Annoyed at being poked, Abby stomped her foot on the floor. “I know what I saw.” She then set her baby blue eyes on me. I had to swallow hard. Abby could really be a pain when she wanted to be. “I saw you two kissing!” It was almost as if I had betrayed her. “How could you do that, Sofia?” She wrinkled her nose. “It’s so gross… You kissed a giant ogre.”
“Hey…” Ben frowned.
Try as I might, I couldn’t stifle a giggle.
“Oh great… at least you’re having fun.” Ben glared at me.
At that moment, Amelia poked her head through the door. “Sofia, if you’re not too busy, I’d like help preparing dinner.”
“I’ll be right down, Amelia,” I responded. I began to walk out the door. As I brushed past Ben, I quipped, “Fiona ended up with Shrek you know…”
“Do I look like Shrek to you?” Ben feigned indignation.
Abby burst into uncontrollable giggles. I was also giggling as I faced the hallway, but any amusement faded away when I overheard Ben tell Abby, “Laugh all you want, midget, but I’m warning you… You can’t tell Mom and Dad about Sofia and me. You understand?”
Ouch. That stung. I bit my lower lip as I made my way down the stairs and into the kitchen. Is he ashamed of me? Am I going to end up as his big secret?
I remained quiet throughout dinner – not that there was much to say, considering it consisted mostly of Lyle scolding Ben over the fight. Amelia, of course, didn’t hesitate to put her two cents in. Abby, on the other hand, kept darting her glances from Ben to me and then back. She couldn’t seem to stop giggling throughout the whole meal.
After dinner, Amelia tucked Abby into bed and Lyle asked to have a private word with Ben. That left me to take care of cleaning up the table and doing the dishes. I welcomed the solitude. It allowed me to sort through my thoughts.
I was already unloading the dishwasher and putting the dishes in their proper places when I felt Ben’s hands hold my waist. He pulled my back against him, his lips falling on the nape of my neck.
I paused what I was doing. “What is this between us, Ben?”
“What do you mean?”
“This. All the kissing… Rose Red… It’s too confusing… It’s going too fast. I’m having trouble keeping up.”
He moved to my side and leaned against the granite counter. He nodded, coaxing me to go ahead and speak my mind. I couldn’t look him in the eye, so I just kept wiping the dishes dry and placing them where they belonged as I spoke.
“First, we argue in the library and then you get into this big fight – apparently over comments that involved me, and now… this. You just broke up with Tanya for crying out loud. I don’t want to be your rebound, Ben. I’m not interested in becoming one of your flings.”
He remained silent as I finished getting the kitchen in order. When everything was done, he grabbed me by the shoulders and made me face him. “You are too important to me to be a rebound or a fling. Get that into your head, Sofia. I’m tired of being just your friend and I want to give us a real shot.”
“Why now?”
“Because as I told you back at the truck, I feel like I’m losing you… I don’t want that to happen, Sofia.”
It didn’t feel like a good enough reason to start getting into a relationship that had too much potential to leave us both broken and hurt. “I’m scared,” I admitted. “What if this doesn’t work out?”
“Look… we don’t have to rush this… let’s take it slow if we have to.” His gaze was hopeful… expectant… desperate… “Let’s start with a date, and then let’s see where we go from there.”
“One date,” I agreed, “but I do have a condition…”
“Anything.”
“There will be no talk of The Shade, of what happened there or of the hunters.”
Just the mention of those particularly touchy topics clouded the expression on his face, but he nodded in agreement. “Fine by me.”
“And one more thing…” I added. “If we do get serious about this, I don’t want to be your dirty little secret, Ben. We let Lyle and Amelia know.”
It hurt how he didn’t seem happy about that particular condition, but again, he agreed to my terms. “Of course.”
It was awkward how we parted. We didn’t talk about it, but for the first time, the idea of sleeping in the same bed with him felt wrong. We said good night to each other and went our separate ways. I spent a good deal of the night, debating within myself if I ought to sneak to his room, if only to have someone there in case I wake up from another nightmare.
Just when I had made up my mind to stay alone, I heard my door creak open. The bed shifted and I turned to find Ben sitting on the edge of it. He didn’t need to explain. The look in his eyes told me enough about him needing the company. I made room for him and snuggled against him. His lips found my forehead. A kiss goodnight.
What Ben and I had used to be simple. We were best friends. We knew where we stood with each other. A couple of kisses, a few suggestive quips and an agreement to have one date were more than enough to ruin whatever comfort zone he and I had.
Lying next to him on that bed that night, all I could think of before I drifted off to sleep was how complicated things were going to become from then on. Still, a smile crept over my lips, because whatever it was that I had with Ben, it felt like a step toward moving on and finally leaving The Shade behind us.
It was wishful thinking, because the moment slumber came, the nightmares came right along with it and The Shade was proving itself to be a force that wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon.
CHAPTER 23: DEREK
After the blackout, things were bound to go downhill and I knew it. The darkness began to consume me and I didn’t have enough will left to fight it, so I simply surrendered to it and let myself roll along with the free fall, waiting to hit rock bottom.
