"You mistake me!" she called out. "You have always mistaken me! Would you show yourself to someone in that way? I cannot do it. I have been slapped too many times by those I should have trusted. Betrayed by those who should have loved me".
"You blame this on me?" Rand asked, spinning on his heel.
She did not look away. She sat, imperious, as if her prison were a throne. "You really remember it that way, don’t you?" Rand said. "You think I betrayed you for her?"
"You said that you loved me".
"I never said that. Never. I could not. I did not know what love was. Centuries of life, and I never discovered it until I met her". He hesitated, then continued, speaking so softly his voice did not echo in the small cavern. "You have never really felt it, have you? But of course. Who could you love? Your heart is claimed already, by the power you so strongly desire. There is no room left".
Rand let go.
He let go as Lews Therin never had been able to. Even after discovering Ilyena, even after realizing how Lanfear had used him, he had held on to hatred and scorn. You expect me to pity you? Rand had asked her.
He now felt just that. Pity for a woman who had never known love, a woman who would not let herself know it. Pity for a woman who could not choose a side other than her own.
"I . . ". she said softly.
Rand raised his hand, and then he opened himself to her. His intentions, his mind, his self appeared as a swirl of color, emotions and power around him.
Her eyes opened wide as the swirl played before her, like pictures on a wall. He could hold nothing back. She saw his motives, his desires, his wishes for mankind. She saw his intentions. To go to Shayol Ghul, to kill the Dark One. To leave a better world than he had the last time.
He did not fear revealing these things. He had touched the True Power, and so the Dark One knew his heart. There were no surprises here, at least nothing that should have been a surprise.
Lanfear was surprised anyway. Her jaw dropped as she saw the truth—the truth that, down deep, it was not Lews Therin who made up Rand's core. It was the sheepherder, raised by Tam. His lives played out in moments, his memories and feelings exposed.
Last, he showed her his love for Ilyena—like a glowing crystal, set upon a shelf and admired. Then his love for Min, Aviendha, Elayne. Like a burning bonfire, warming, comforting, passionate.
There was no love for Lanfear in what he exposed. Not a sliver. He had squelched Lews Therin's loathing of her as well. And so, to him, she really was nothing.
She gasped.
The glow around Rand faded. "I’m sorry", he said. "I really did mean it. I am finished with you, Mierin. Keep your head down during the storm to come. If I win this fight, you will no longer have reason to fear for your soul. There will be no one left to torment you".
He turned from her again, and walked from the cave, leaving her silent.
Evening in the Braem Wood was accompanied by the scent of fires smoldering in their pits and the sounds of men groaning softly as they settled into uneasy sleep, swords ready at hand. An unnatural chill to the summer air.
Perrin walked through the camp, among the men under his command.
The fighting had been hard in these woods. His people were hurting the Trollocs, but Light, there always seemed to be more Shadowspawn to replace those that fell.
After seeing that his people were properly fed, that the watch had been set and the men knew what to do if awakened in the night by an assault of Shadowspawn, he went seeking the Aiel. The Wise Ones in particular. Nearly all of them had gathered to go with Rand when he marched on Shayol Ghul—for now, they waited his order—but a few had remained with Perrin, including Edarra.
She and the other Wise Ones did not march at his command. And yet, like Gaul, they stayed with him when their fellows went elsewhere. Perrin had not asked them why. He didn’t really care why. Having them with him was useful, and he was grateful.
The Aiel let him pass their perimeter. He found Edarra sitting beside a fire, well rimmed with stones to prevent the chance of a stray spark escaping. These woods, dry as they were, could go up easier than a barn full of last harvests hay.
She glanced at Perrin as he settled down near her. The Aiel looked young but smelled of patience, inquisitiveness and control. Wisdom. She did not ask why Perrin had come to her. She waited for him to speak.
"Are you a dreamwalker?" Perrin asked.
She studied him in the night; he had the distinct impression this was not a question a man—or an outsider—was supposed to ask.
He was surprised, then, when she answered.
"No"
"Do you know much of it?" Perrin asked.
"Some".
"I need to know of a way to enter the World of Dreams physically. Not just in my dreams, but in my real body. Have you heard of such a thing?"
She inhaled sharply. "Do not think of that, Perrin Aybara. It is evil".
Perrin frowned. Strength in the wolf dream—in Tel’aran’rhiod—was a delicate thing. The more strongly Perrin put himself into the dream—the more solidly there he was—the easier he found it to change things there, manipulate that world.
That came at a risk, however. Going into the dream too strongly, he risked cutting himself off from his sleeping body in the real world.
That apparently didn’t bother Slayer. Slayer was strong there, so very strong; the man was in the dream physically. Perrin was increasingly sure of it.
Our contest will not end, Perrin thought, until you are the prey, Slayer. Hunter of wolves. I will end you.
"In many ways", Edarra muttered, looking at him, "you are still a child, for all the honor you have found". Perrin had grown accustomed to—though not fond of—women who looked not a year or two older than he addressing him so. "None of the dreamwalkers will teach you this thing. It is evil".
"Why is it evil?" Perrin said.
"To enter into the world of dreams in the flesh costs you part of what makes you human. What’s more, if you die while in that place—and you are in the flesh—it can make you die forever. No more rebirth, Perrin Aybara. Your thread in the Pattern could end forever, you yourself destroyed. This is not a thing you should contemplate".
"The servants of the Shadow do this, Edarra", Perrin said. "They take these risks to dominate. We need to take the same risks in order to stop them".
Edarra hissed softly, shaking her head. "Do not cut off your foot for fear that a snake will bite it, Perrin Aybara. Do not make a terrible mistake because you fear something that seems worse. This is all I wil
